Peter Pan without his Wendy

Peter Pan without his Wendy

1 chapter / 935 words

Approximately 5 minutes to read

Description:

I wrote this for a contest. I might make this a longer story after I am done with my novel. We'll see what happens!

Comments(25)

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about 4 years ago Abby A said:

Wow that's sad, but very lovely. Your Characterization was great, I felt connected to each of the them, great job.

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over 4 years ago David Massie said:

I smooch your face, because you are perfect

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about 5 years ago Nicky Lang said:

NO! NO! NO! Believe, Wendy! You did a great job on this, but I just wanted to creep into the story and start yelling at Wendy. This is really good, and I can just see a movie about it, but I want Wendy to believe. I'm going to end my little rant now by telling you what a great job you did. It was absolutely amazing and held me captive for the whole thing!

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about 5 years ago S.J. Bouquet said:

this was depressing...but in a good way? xD It was well written and I loved the details. This piece deserves more attention.

Reviews(3)

Beautiful disaster

about 5 years ago Alex Brooke said:

I know this may be a very critical review, but I'm just trying to help your work.

You first paragraph really drew me in, but after that, it was disapointing, and underwhelming. The setences are short and choppy, and actually come off whiny.

Things are happening way too fast with way too little description.

The only thing that I found intresting about the description of the boys was the 'moon shaped glasses' but the rest just wasn't up to par.

Try using words that describe and portray emotion instead of just stating it.

Overall, it was very undescriptive and moved much too fast. I love Peter Pan, but this needs a lot of editing. This didn't wow me at all.

-Alex

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about 5 years ago MagneticPudding said:

I was really fond of Peter Pan as a child so of course I had to choose to read this one.

I think the idea of the Wendy forgetting Peter Pan is so heartbreaking. :( I would really like to see this elongated into a novel, with lots of more detail and story plot :D Keep up the good work!