28 chapters / 8295 words

Approximately 41 minutes to read


Where Araka lives, everyone has tattoos on their wrists that tell you how long you have left to live. The numbers are constantly moving, reminding you of how many days, how many hours, how many minutes and seconds, you have left.

And Araka has exactly three days left to live. She hasn't caught any of the life-threatening diseases that plague her dystopian, futuristic city named Croatlair. She's perfectly healthy, better than most actually. But still, she's only going to see this world--this world that sucks anyways--for seventy-two more hours. Is that lucky or unlucky?

But one day, Asher--her best friend who is going to die the exact second she dies--find a dead body just outside the city. And his number isn't all zeros, like it's supposed to be . . . . it's 7:06:54:12. The man died about a week early, and that never happens. They also meet a woman who's dying words were: "Find why, and gain time." and who's number wasn't all zeros either.

Araka and Asher set out to figure out what is going on, set things right, and maybe gain some time to live, but for now . . . they only have three days.

NOTE: This is NOT AT ALL like the movie "In Time", I'll explain in the 2nd chapter of the book.



over 5 years ago Miss Rose Sandwich VII said:

I really liked it. I'm glad I took the time to get to the end. Occasionally I didn't get a few sentences, but otherwise it was great!


over 5 years ago Luann Jung said:

Thanks!! Haha, I will!


over 5 years ago SwishWater said:

Yes!! It's so so so so awesome!! Keep me posted!!


over 5 years ago Kandeeisnotbeingatroll. said:

I like the little that I read of it. I also really like the cover.



about 4 years ago ambi said:

This is a harsh and truthful review. Please don't read further if you think you can't take it.

Judging by your description, you have a great plot, but your execution of it has lower standards. The preface really pulled me in - it was exciting, though a little unrealistic. As Quintessa Lovette said, is it really that common to drop your babies in an orphanage before you die? If yes, it is a little pathetic.

I read the first seven chapters, and I also have to let you know that there's more dialogue than anything. We have no idea what Araka looks like. You've described Asher, but you've told us what he looks like. Show us. Show us his green eyes glinting in the sunlight, his hair getting tousled by the wind. Then, do the same for Araka (with different elements, of course).

The lack of these details - and the lack of dialogue tags - really bores the reader. Equal parts dialogue and description go together hand-in-hand. That is what makes a story interesting.

Also, Araka has three days to die. Wouldn't she be panicking? Wouldn't Asher be panicking? I would expect the atmosphere to be a little more tense, at least.

Finally, you're missing a couple of commas.

This review has been brought to you by the Free Read Challenge. The aim is to promote honest feedback between authors, rather than meaningless heart-swaps. If you approve of this, please consider taking up the challenge and reading and reviewing someone else's work in return. It doesn't have to be mine, in order to get as many people involved as possible. Finally, I hope my review is useful to you and happy writing!


over 4 years ago Quintessa Lovette said:

~Signed, Sealed and Delivered with Despair from the Imaginarium~

[You know the drill]


[...wrapped blankets] It sounds like the blankets themselves are wrapped. Could you perhaps rephrase this? Maybe “I bend my head over my precious package,”? Either way, I suggest a rephrase.

[blankets,“I’m sorry,] You forgot a space after the comma.

[ARAKA, do not forget me, and I will not forget you. We will meet again. I love you.] This sounds kind of awkward. Rephrase?

[cold hard lump of Aurora Borealis stone] Hmm... I’m curious as to what an Aurora Borealis stone is but I’ll probably find out as I dwell deeper into the story.

[shivers, because of the cold] The comma should be replaced with a dash or a semicolon.

[But she shrugs, this happens all the time, doesn’t it Then she walks back to the orphanage, the thick clouds part, and two men with shiny knives triumphantly hold out a beautiful jewel that shimmers with all colors. Except it’s slick with blood.] The first sentence is a little too long, with three different subjects in it: the Headlady, the weather, and the two men. Try separating it into two sentences by replacing the first comma with a period. It should go something like this “She walks back to the orphanage. Thick clouds part and two men with shiny knives triumphantly hold out...” I recommend adding more descriptions and rephrasing the sentence. Maybe tell us that “there’s a flash of light reflected by the steel of knives held by two dark/tall/ugly/mysterious men. They admire a beautiful jewel that shimmers with a variety of named and unnamed colours. Blood runs down the man’s hand from the jewel.” That’s only a suggestion, of course, and you can phrase your sentences however you want.

[And so begins Araka’s story . . . 0:00:00:01] I love this line. It really draws me in. I believe it will create more impact if “0:00:00:01” was in the next line and italicized. Which means that “And so begins Araka’s story” would end with a period instead. Again, only a suggestion. I assume the jewel mentioned here is the Aurora Borealis stone?

Overall, I found you prologue kind of... bland. It really didn't pull me in the way your blurb did. Maybe it would work better as a movie’s opening scene or something similar. But I do like the ending of your prologue though. Anyway, what kind of world is this, for it to be common for people to leave their babies at orphanages before dropping dead? Also, is there no reaction from Headlady Corner about the broken window? I wonder what time period this is happening in.

PS I have never watched or heard of the movie mentioned.