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A winner of the Olympic Games Flash Fiction Contest. Thank you all for your support! I took something real and made it unreal: one of the youngsters at the 2012 Summer Olympics shares his story.
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over 4 years ago Gabrielle S. said:
Hmm...I know it's very difficult to write good prose in fewer than 150 words and you definitely chose a good topic, but this piece leaves me feeling a little less than satisfied (mostly in the first paragraph. I feel you felt more comfortable in the second one).
"...fell mortally ill": those words, while very fitting in a purple prose piece, do not really fit in this flash fiction entry. I feel that shorter words would have more of an effect. Maybe say exactly what he had? Maybe "terminal"?
"...he feebly reached up for my hand and I clasped it..": He feebly reached for me and I clasped his hand. (Just a minor grammatical/word order confusion)
"You have great talent, with which comes great potential. Don't waste it": I often find sentences like these only work in extravagant pieces. Here it feels a little tongue in cheek. This piece is poignant in and of itself.
The second paragraph is fantastic. Your pace is wonderful, and the metaphors you use are extremely powerful. Overall, very well done! Congratulations on your win :)
almost 5 years ago Korinne Hart said:
That was really interesting and sweet. It was sort of sad, but touching. Great job!