Complicated (one direction fan fiction)

Complicated (one direction fan fiction)

6 chapters / 5699 words

Approximately 28 minutes to read

Description:

That night, eleanor left a child to not just Louis...but also Harry. They would of never thought of a child would be left in there hands but what will happen to Louis and Harry's friendship? Will it stay strong or tear apart?

Comments(8)

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over 4 years ago Abster said:

Omg! So Continue!!

Chocolate

over 4 years ago Diana Bautista said:

please continue!

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almost 5 years ago J'Ani Thurston said:

continue please

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almost 5 years ago Lindsay Roberts said:

this is great! please continue!! :)

Reviews(2)

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about 5 years ago Forgotten Girl said:

Hey :) I'd just like to say first off that I absolutely love this! And that you need to write more or I shall die! My Larry Stylinson heart exploded and I need to read more soon!! :P

Okay on to my next topic, it seems that everyone's told you about everything already but the main tips from me are;

1. Slow it down a bit.

2. I think read through the chapter after writing to make sure is makes sense because there were some grammar mistakes.

3. Make sure that it's not too unusual, I liked the ninja part but it was a bit random, I think maybe expand on a few more things and it would be good :)

That's basically it, I love the story line and it’s fun to read but with those three main tips I think it could be a lot better, sorry if this is annoying because you've probably already heard it but I'm just trying to help you out :)

From, A writer like yourself :3

Gk

about 5 years ago Lucy Marie said:

I'm not a huge fan-fiction fan, but this is a pretty creative idea which I think has a lot of potential to be amazing. And, well, I love One Direction!!! ❤ I liked how you showed their relationships with each other and some of your descriptions were good and the way you switched POV's.

On the other hand, I felt like you were rushing through the story. The fast pace didn't really work for me and it left me confused and trying to make sense of what I was reading. I think there were a lot of places you needed to slow down and elaborate so it doesn't seem too sudden and unbelievable to the reader. For example, when Eleanor is in the car crash that feels very rushed and when they're in the hospital and Louis receives the news that feels too rushed also. There are a lot of points in the story that need to be slowed down and fleshed out with descriptions.

Also the pregnancy brings me to another point: would Louis have noticed she was pregnant? I might be reading wrong, but if they were going out, surely he would have noticed a bump building on his girlfriend, right? But I did like the twist of the baby, even though it did seem quite unrealistic. But it's fan-fiction, right? You just need to make it seem more believable in the way she tells him, how he reacts, etc.

Lastly, your grammar and punctuation needs some work. I would suggest reading through to fix some obvious grammar mistakes throughout the piece. Quite a lot you use the wrong tense, like with "run" where it should be "ran". I can't really pick every single thing out because this review would be too long, lol. It's probably already quite long. On to punctuation. Right, it's hard to explain punctuation, but quite a lot you're missing commas where they need to be. I could elaborate more on this if what I say next doesn't help. Right, the best way is to read through your piece and think about how the sentences flow. You need to really look at them with a critical eye, add commas where you think they're needed, take out not needed words, etc. Also I found that when I was trying to learn this reading it out loud helped me or in a particular person's voice in my head. Try this and that should fix it up a little.

I hope this review was helpful and know that these are only suggestions. You know what's best for your story and you can do whatever you want with these points. It's honestly a great idea and as a lover of One Direction, I adored this and it's tragedy and humour.

Keep up the good work! :)