The Crippled Shop

The Crippled Shop

1 chapter / 892 words

Approximately 4 minutes to read

Description:

A short story about an old tailor working in England. Please do leave comments and suggestions! :) It is suppose to be a point A to point B story, meaning the story ends at point B (when the customer walks in). Title by Raazia Rafeek. thanks !merci beaucoup for all the suggestions!

Comments(11)

Lost memory story main character

about 5 years ago Yowlot said:

Lovely story with a great flow to it and awesome description. Great job! :)

573009_1195455801_709945257_n

about 5 years ago Traci Elizabeth said:

Wow :) this is beautiful. Great job! I saw just a few errors, but they're all easy fixes. Your descriptions were great, too. Keep writing!

Annika and naomi nov 2013 1966

about 5 years ago annidani said:

~Swap for Troubled Truth~

I have to say, I adore your descriptions. The way the story flowed was gorgeous, and this piece was just so beautifully written, aside from a few grammar errors. :)

The only thing that I didn't like so much was the ending. The piece felt a bit incomplete, since we don't know who the customer is or why she's early. I'd love for you to add more to this, since I love your style. Let me know if you do. :)

Keep writing!

~Annika

Gregjasonfunderberger

about 5 years ago Cassie Rose said:

Except for a few missing commas and periods, this was a very, very well written story. I loved that there was no dialogue, and that it was- for the most part- just a man in his shop. You managed to give us his back story without making it feel like back story. Good job!

Reviews(2)

Waterhouse_boreas

about 5 years ago Auchen said:

This was very good. The style was reminiscent of the 19th century style where the many contents of a room were described, and there wasn't a lot of dialogue. It was simple, but very effective. I could picture everything. I do agree that you should split up the large paragraphs, and I noticed a few grammatical/spelling errors:

[ ]- means insert

blood curling should be curdling

“…accusingly [,] casting…”

“…reminiscence e of his dead wife…”

Reminiscence should probably be changed to remembrance

Overall, this was very well done. :) Keep writing!

Jeffrey

about 5 years ago Danica said:

This was really lovely. I'm assuming that you will be continuing this, yes? Because the ending did not seem very conclusive and I'd like to know more about this customer. Anyways, you had a lot of beautiful imagery and I could imagine everything. Something that bothered me was that you organized the story into three gigantic paragraphs. At first glance, it looks kind of intimidating. You should separate it out more. Another thing was "He gets up and throws them away and opens the window to let the fresh air in." You should fix that so that it's "He gets up, throws them away, and opens the window to let the fresh air in." A very simple error. I couldn't find anything else wrong with this though. :) I really liked hearing about the old man's past and how successful he was. So his wife died ... How about his kids? Where are they? And to further contrast between his old and new lifestyle, maybe you could do a flashback? Overall, this was a great story. Good job.