2 chapters / 2810 words

Approximately 14 minutes to read


(I'm not going to destroy this, but it's never going to be finished. Sorry.) Ray Underwood lived in a small town in the middle of no where, until her dad got a job in California. Now she has to deal with a new high school, a new house, earthquakes...and a love life?


Writing, Adventure, Novel



over 5 years ago Heather Marie said:

Wow this was really good! I loved the title of the second chapter and how you developed Ray's character :) Keep up the great work and thanks for swapping!!!


over 5 years ago Willow J Flynn said:

I think this was well written and detailed. I didn't really like how you had the Asian teacher talk, and I don't think you put in a name for her, but otherwise this was an enjoyable read.

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over 5 years ago Genevieve Motyl said:

Aww sad! I understand the feeling of moving- it's horrible! Overall, though, I think this is a great story! Your plot as engaging and well-written! The very first sentence had me hooked and asking questions, and my attention was held the whole time. Your characters seem well thought out and believable. I'm just wondering why people that she didn't even know all decided they were her best friend as she was leaving. Was it because Mat asked them too? Because he secretly really cares about Ray? Ooh, I guess I'll just have to wait and find out! You used absolutely adorable details- like "My Little Ray of Sunshine"! :) The only thing I did notice was that there were a few spelling and punctuation errors, mainly in the second chapter, but those can easily be fixed. Overall a brilliant start and I can't wait to read more! Good job!


over 5 years ago Alex M. Stache said:

It was really good. This might be me, but I thought she was in California in the first chapter untill they talked about goodbye party. Anyways great job, I love your character's voice!



about 5 years ago Hayley Rue Mockingjay said:

This is brilliant! I love this sort of stuff. You've created the main character very well, and she is believable. Check your spelling and grammar, but other than that, a very good piece! Oh, and one more thing. The relationship between the MC and her mother is excellent. You've shown the similarities between them, and how easily they get on. Let me know when the next chapter is up, and I'll read it. Please remember to do your part of the swap too :) Keep Writing! Hayley x