I am the Last

I am the Last

28 chapters / 36215 words

Approximately about 3 hours to read

Description:

**Reached Goal: 300 hearts**
This was a finalist. I got an email saying I placed (gave my average) and, ta-dah, it was a mistake. I can't tell you how that feels... Anyway, enjoy.Entry for the new contest. I decided that instead of being clever or using a metaphor, I'd take the direct approach, and see where it takes me. Oh, I want that book SO bad!

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Comments(218)

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almost 5 years ago Maya said:

*Also, I'm definitely going to continue reading this later

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almost 5 years ago Maya said:

I truy liked this! It was amazing and well written.

Illustrated-umbrella-girl

almost 5 years ago Girl in the Black Dress said:

Wowoza I really really really enjoyed the beginning! I felt like it was a little dry in the middle but I also liked the ending,super creative. Sorry it has taken so long for me to get back to your swap request,im kinda new at this. If you wanted to check out any of my short poems that would be super!

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almost 5 years ago Avgerinos said:

Wow, that's my only comment. Your beginning to the story leaves me breathless. The only thing that I found funny was the ending of the second chapter. Maybe describing their tail and wings growing would of helped but otherwise it was prestine. I think this is the most interesting novel I have ever read. Even better than some published authors. It was an honor just to read it. Thank you

Reviews(61)

Flowers-4

over 4 years ago anonymous said:

*Prize Review for First Prize in the News Reports Contest*

First of all, if you're wondering why I haven't hearted this i actually have. I read the first couple of chapters of this a few months ago and hearted it then.

In the first chapter there were no grammar errors that caught my attention. So there won't be much critic in this review.

I liked how you repeated the title in the first couple of lines. It sounded very good when read.

I also liked how you compared magic and science. The two are complete opposites and though more people would believe science over magic your protagonist said otherwise.

Another thing I liked was the layout of the story. The way you put a short sentence or simply a word before writing the paragraph was very clever and made the chapter a better read. Another thing about the layout was the way you really began the story from this first chapter. The very last word of the chapter was "Listen" and then you tell everything in the rest of the novel. it was everything a first chapter should have.

Very well done on this chapter. A good read and really hooked the reader into the book. I'm sorry this review isn't very helpful but there wasn't much to critic. Good job on this.

Whitetiger

over 4 years ago A.J. Cypher said:

Just so you know, I’m a little blunt! I just want to point out what I see, I don’t mean to be rude by it.

I AM THE LAST

‘still can’ sounds a bit awkward. Maybe reverse it to say ‘can still recall’

I get the image you’re going for with the part about the painting and the purest part of the wall, but I don’t think you explain it as well as you can. I suggest reworking that part. Though honestly I’m not sure if the analogy really works in general. I suppose that would mean that the magic is like the painting, the wall is the world, and the pure/clean spot on the wall where the painting was would be the residue leftover from the faded magic. But the painting doesn’t leave that behind. It blocks the wall from getting dirty. I feel like that analogy would suggest that in the parts of the world where magic disappeared, they’re now purer? But why would they be purer without magic?

‘Now, in these times, there are no such healers with such gifts’ I would take out ‘in these times’ and ‘with such gifts’

I’m not sure why you suddenly threw ‘science’ out there

‘And the reason behind magic’ you can take out ‘and’ and just start the sentence with ‘The reason’

‘Humans wished to be enlightened, and when then, unhappy with their results, ignored their findings’ there’s an unnecessary word or two in there somewhere. I think ‘when’ for example.

Further should be farther. Farther refers to distance.

Not sure why you threw out ‘the truth’.

No need for ‘and’ before ‘so I am the only one who can recall.’ Might no even need ‘so’ since none of that explained why the narrator is the only one who can recall, just that magic has disappeared. So just, ‘I am the only one who can recall.’

No need for ‘and’ before ‘now I will tell you’

‘This good yarn of mystic is’ maybe I’m not reading it right, but I have no idea what that means or what you’re trying to say there.

So far, the first chapter is a little slow. It’s bogged down with information that I actually feel like you could condense into a very short prologue. I like the idea of it being a story told to a young child by an elderly woman of a time long ago, especially with the desire to rekindle it being there.

THE GREEN FEATHERED UNICORN

‘Once there was a time, in a land long ago, incase I was not clear, there were unicorns’. First off, incase is one word. Second, you’re missing words here. Maybe an, ‘and’ before incase? Or a ‘when’ before ‘there’. I think what you meant to say was, ‘Once there was a time, in a land long ago, when unicorns existed.’ I really don’t think you need the, ‘incase I was not clear’.

‘and the closer the older a unicorn grows’ take out ‘the closer’

‘the whiter ITS COAT BECOMES until IT FADES’ you went singular in the previous line with ‘a unicorn’ so stay singular throughout. Or chance unicorns to plural and take out ‘a’.

‘Now, the unicorn’ you never mentioned a particular unicorn. This is the first of it. So, maybe change this to, ‘there was a unicorn’

‘and every unicorn must enter alone’ take out ‘and’

I’m loving the creativity of this, like how the unicorns get their horns.

Do you mean Wind was born in the same spring as her? Because you just said that couldn’t happen. But if she wasn’t, then wouldn’t Wind have gone the previous year to get her horn?

Is it Wind or Wing? You switch it.

‘..hawk over our belly growls,’ HE complained.

Pinpoint is one word.

‘some tarts I think. They smell like cinnamon’ you forgot the closing quotes.

What does the maiden have to swing down from? She’s on a hill, not in a tree.

‘THEY extended ONE hoof’

‘Wind and Lorraine WERE’

‘her voice was even GENTLER’

I suggest that you read this out loud. There are a lot of errors and awkward places. Also, you change storytelling modes. At one point it’s all coming from the narrator, then all of the sudden it’s 3rd person from the unicorn’s point of views. Also, I’m not sure what your age group target is, but overall it was very young. Highly creative though! Great ideas.