No More Kids in Smokingtown

No More Kids in Smokingtown

1 chapter / 1186 words

Approximately 6 minutes to read

Description:

In a town where people are born grown, Nin makes an intriguing discovery in the municipal landfill.

Genres:

Fantasy, Short Story

Comments(5)

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about 5 years ago Amber-Rose C 1 said:

ahh...I love the dialect...it had me---how do u say...entrigued. I love the detail about Nin and how he was born all grown up. I really want to know what happens to Ni and the whole mirror situation. But over all GREAT JOB!!!!

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over 5 years ago Page264 said:

It feels like it cuts off a bit suddenly. I might write more later.

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over 5 years ago Amelia Bell said:

All I had to do was read the first line before I clicked the "Shiver" button. I, of course, had to keep reading. VERY interesting, and eerie, concept and you executed it very well! I've read several entries for the contest and yours is by FAR my favorite. Good luck!

Excitedsun

over 5 years ago Mickey Mouse said:

I love how weird and awesome this is. I love the internal logic and the strong voice. I love the subtext about the working class. This read like a cartoon, but a really terrific old cartoon.

The title's odd though. At first I had this strange certainty that it was going to end with the old joke about the 'smo king'. But for what the story was I'd prefer more of a cryptic title.

Reviews(1)

Curlsa

over 5 years ago Taylor Weber said:

*SWAP FOR ONCE*

I downloaded the ponify app for google chrome, which changes everything to fit My Little Pony, and I was very confused when I started reading this... xD Then I fixed it so ANYWAY

I love this so much. The only thing that bothered me a bit in the beginning was the use of "it" in reference to a dead being, but maybe that's what you meant? Not just a typo? Maybe clarify that. The thing about mirrors not being allowed seriously intrigued me. I also found myself really enjoying the tone of the story all the way through, the casual narrative and the voice of the narrator. When it came to the talking mirror, I freaked out almost as much as Nin did. The thing about Nin being three, however, confused me a bit, because children are dead and Nin is far older appearing than that. Maybe just clariy this later on? Overall, though, I really enjoyed it. It's something I'd love to read more of!