Bailiwick

Bailiwick

2 chapters / 1241 words

Approximately 6 minutes to read

Description:

Kate Milano is dead. It's no secret. This is the story of what happens to Kate after she dies. She goes to this crazy world, where all of the dead are -- but not forever. Otherwise, she'd know Abraham Lincoln or Betsy Ross! Find out what happens to Kate in "Bailiwick".

Genres:

Comedy, Drama, Fantasy

Comments(20)

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over 5 years ago Anna Parsons said:

Did you get this idea from the book Elsewhere? It has the same thing happen when you die, except you wake up on a boat.

Me111

over 6 years ago Brooke Johnson said:

I LOVE THIS!!! KEEP WRITING!!!

Elf_anime

over 6 years ago Kristy Bowman said:

omg this is really good

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almost 7 years ago Emma "Ross" Vallely said:

Very interesting, I actually enjoyed reading that a lot, really grasped my attention. Good job!~

Reviews(4)

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almost 7 years ago Pete Riley said:

I like this, but I'd be careful with your dialogue, you are walking a fine line here and if you don't watch it I fear it will get too "campy".

Take this bit for example: "Kate was running out of patience. "Ma'am, please, if you could please tell me where I am. I need to get back to my town called Randle. Have you heard of it? My name's Kate Milano-" "Tell me Kate," the woman said mysteriously. "What is the last thing you remember?"

That and the bit that followed it seem a little unrealistic to me. Think about it, when would a person wake up and say they want to get back to their town... Almost anyone would say they would like to know where they are and why there are here but to say you have to get back to your town, then ask if they have heard of it seems a little off.

The story as a whole seems to be an interesting one, and you appear to have good ideas and posses the writing skill to pull them off, but the dialogue can ruin even the best of works.

Think about how many moves reviews you've read when the reviewer likes the story/visuals, ect. but thrashes the dialogue. That is because it is so vitally important to make it cohesive to the caliber of story surrounding it.

You have talent, thats obvious, just be careful there...

I like it though, I do. I never lie.

I'm gonna follow this one, I wanna watch it grow.

October210

almost 7 years ago Erin L. said:

You had me from the first line. This was really good. You had good details but you should add even more. Fluff it up a bit. And I think you should add more to the end. Like what else goes on in the death department?