I've Got Your Back

I've Got Your Back

10 chapters / 16304 words

Approximately about 1 hour to read

Description:

*Not Finished*
Jaden Clark is a 17 year old boy whose life has been ruined by his horrible ex-girlfriend, Sarah Watson, who goes to his high school. After he broke up with her, she started a rumor about him in order to get revenge and she tries to turn every person against him. But when a new girl, Chloe Rose Sullivan, someone who feels lost and alone in such a strange school, stands up for him, he sees a brigher side of school and also finds an opportunity to find someone who will believe that he is not the person his ex made him out to be. Together, the two struggle through junior year, striving to stay uncorrupted and unlike everyone else. In doing so, Jaden solemnly promises Chloe that he will always have her back no matter what and says that he will never let anyone harm her because she differs from everyone else; and she's given him a chance to prove that he is who he says he really is, despite what others think of him. In the end, they find a way to conquer his exgirlfriend and extinguish the rumor in hopes of everything returning to normal for him.

Genres:

Drama, Romance, Novel

Comments(17)

Avatar-thumb

over 4 years ago c said:

Hearted! If you would like to swap please read/heart my story “Ella and Sam were here.” Thanks!

Tumblr_lfhr7aiw0x1qekk6io1_500_thumb

over 4 years ago JJ H said:

Really good! Keep adding more puleeze!

Rachel-foal-profile-1024x762

over 4 years ago Nicole Langreck said:

I read some of it, and it is really good. I'll need to come back and read more later. You did a good job on it. I liked the idea behind the story. Terrific job!

1

over 4 years ago Si Jia said:

Chapter 1 only

I love it so much! I really enjoyed the plot and it was pretty creative. I didn't see many grammatical issues. Nice tone, style, and diction. Great job and keep it up!

Reviews(4)

Img_7111 (800x555)

almost 5 years ago AleishaCleopatra said:

[]=add/change {}=remove

"And who [knew] what..."

"Well, at least I'[d] be able..."-Remember to stay in past tense "And I [was]...well{,}...somewhat tan."

"At least I [wasn't] pale white."

"I hope I [wouldn't] stick out."

So if she isn't that tan, then why is she saying that she'll blend in? She's from Florida, so she must be tan, right? (I'm only making that assumption because she's making the same assumption about them.)

"My parents [said] that I'[d] probably make...how [could] I do that?"

"I [was] so quiet."

"No one [would] probably talk to me."-Stay in past tense.

"'Yeah, [M]om?"

The MC is telling us that they're on a plane, but it isn't being shown to us. Describe the motion of the plane better. Describe what she's feeling better. Give us more details.

"'Shh, it's okay, Ty[,]' I whispered..."

Start a new paragraph after her dad speaks. And described her actions as she takes the suitcase. Does her arm sink down from the weight? Do more than just say, "Gosh, it was heavy."

"I was the first on[e] out..."

"Well, goodbye[,] Florida. Hello[,] Utah."

"{I could see} [Mountains were everywhere."-If she's describing the setting to us, then we know that she can see it. You don't have to say, "I could see." Paint a picture with your words.

"Some so tall...the tops of them {were} hidden by clouds."

Describe the heat.

"I [almost could not] stand it."

"They agreed with me[,] and we were..."

You don't have to keep saying 'my dad'. Just call him Dad.

"My legs started to tire[,] {and} so I slowed down."

"I was out of breath and {I} nearly had to crawl..."

"....'I even found a room for you and [D]ad and Ty."

My biggest problem with this was the over-telling. I didn't really feel involved with the story. Stories should bring the readers in and make them feel like they are experiencing the story along with the characters. I didn't get any of that. It was like I was just being told something, like a friend was telling me about their day or something: This happened, and then this happened, and then this happened. Doing it like that makes for a very boring story. What I would suggest is for you to use a variety of sentence structures and show more. I'm not saying that you have to use purple prose or anything; just that you have to give us more details. If the MC really found Utah beautiful, then give us more. "The road was very hilly" isn't a good enough description. Show us. Put us in the car with them (and the plane and the house) and show us everything she sees. Write in such a way that'll keep the reader interested in the story because I'll admit that I kinda skimmed the end of this chapter because I wasn't interested anymore.

This has the potential to be better. After I read this, I read the pitch to see what this was going to be about and was confused to see that it started with the explanation about that guy. I was like, where did he come from? If this is going to be in both his and her perspectives, then the first chapter should start with him (since you started with him in the pitch) and show us whatever happened to him. If you don't want to do that, you should shorten the pitch and just tell us about the girl.

Yesss

almost 5 years ago Roogle said:

REVIEW REQUESTED BY S.J BOUQUET

You're story started off great. Then it went down hill. I found myself really losing interest as I kept reading. By the end of chapter one, I felt like I was ready the work of kid in elementary school. Too many "First, then, second, last, etc." and "I did this, I was sad, blah blah". In other words, you do more telling than showing. Which is really bad.

You overused the word "deserted" WAY too much. And after the third time, I found it irritating. The Thesarus is your best friend. Never forget that.

The second chapter didn't hook me in either. It was too "main characters goes through morning routine for their first day at a new school." It's too cliche.

Overall, I have no idea where you're going with the story. I recommend some sentence revision to give it a more "mature" feel. But you have potential. It just needs to be polished darling. :)

Happy Writing!