Twisted Young Things

Twisted Young Things

1 chapter / 897 words

Approximately 4 minutes to read


First chapter of a WIP. Six young criminals are taken on a 'retreat' as part of rehabilitation programme, though few of them are interested in being rehabilitated. When one of them is found brutally murdered, accusations are rife... and the culprit is only just getting started.
Cover by Marina.
Bad Things - Jace Everett


Drama, Horror, Mystery



over 4 years ago Ink Revenge said:

also, sorry for the clutter on the review, all my points didn't space out correctly

Cream roses

almost 5 years ago JJ Pickering said:

It's great to read a story on here with a bit of grit to it and you've done a great job of creating believable characters that belong to their place and time and specific culture. I loved the verbal parrying between them, the snarkiness of the girl Emily, the laid back one, the narrator who is setting herself above them, but we don't know why. Why are they even on the bus? We don't know. Where are they going? Where are the two who have gone off? What's the institution? What's the significance of the dead fox, or is it just random? There's a great sense that any of it could lead the reader off in intriguing directions and I look forward to finding out where you take this one.


almost 5 years ago Davina Huntwork said:

It's a good beginning, very intriguing and it keeps the readers attention. It kind of slows at the end but I imagine it picks back up real quick :) Good luck, I'll check in occasionally to see if there's anymore.


almost 5 years ago Billy said:

Ugh, in my review I meant to say "This IS amazing so far." Sorry to take up comment space but I can't handle having it sit like that.



over 4 years ago Ink Revenge said:

Okay, so here we go: In the first sentence, change 'I find all them' to 'I find all of them'. The transition from talking about the dead fox to Emily (and eventually the others in the group) is non-existent at best. Maybe just add a sentence or two in, something like, "My eyes graze over each member of the circle, one by one" or something like that. I think overall, if it weren't for the description, the storyline so far is extremely vague (although you're probably planning on clarifying when you add another chapter. so maybe ignore that) I'm really interested to see more in this, this story type is totally up my alley


over 4 years ago Jean Roz said:

The only thing I have to say is that it wasn't clear to me all the time who was where (in or out the bus). For example, Casey was standing next to Dougie (in), but then she was circling the fox (out?); or when the sun filtered through the canopy of leaves above their heads (are they out or this is through the window?). And then the narrator takes a step further into the clearing (was she already out or getting out?) and then, suddenly they are all out.

Maybe this is irrelevant to the story. But it had me confused.