Haunting the Wind

Haunting the Wind

1 chapter / 525 words

Approximately 3 minutes to read

Description:

Inspired by and dedicated to my best friend Jasmine. Luv ya!
~~To hear the song I imagine the girl is playing, follow this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyLuezULidE~~

Comments(36)

Images (5)

7 months ago Mikey said:

Good job,I like it;)

Kathleen figment profile

7 months ago kathy marie said:

can you please read Ranger's guild, and I will read another one of your stories. thanks

Fallen angels in love

7 months ago Brooke said:

I love this! So pretty, eerie, and beautiful. I love the detail put into this! Seriously awesome! :) Keep writing, and congratulations on making the home page!

2

7 months ago J.C. Kingsland said:

Just stopped by for a quick read. I'm actually subscribed to the two boys that are playing in the video link in the description, and you're right it's absolutely the perfect song. I could hear it while I was reading the story. Congrats on making the home page. Happy writing < 3

Reviews(12)

Picsart_1388171608064

7 months ago Pickle Cat said:

I love this. There are some minor errors, but it's okay. This is really great. I LOOVE IT!

Avatar-thumb

over 1 year ago TKAM said:

Wow. This is such a beautifully written and eerily poetic story. I love how you don't really know what is going on to the end. It's so lyrical and almost has a poetic like quality to it. Honestly, I like that this story is more of a narrative and doesn't have dialogue. It makes it stand alone. A few things I found. Feel free to take it or leave it; it's just my lowly opinion.

() = add {} = delete

-Despite {,} the wind, -You say, "even when the wind blew stronger." Can you think of a better way to describe it. Like, "even when the wind threatened to topple the tree behind her?" Or something like that. -I like the sentences that are set apart, it's different and cool. -"Circling around the girl" is repetitive because you already said "swirled around the girl in the same sentence or the sentence before. -Can you think of a better way to describe, "snow began to fall thicker"? -played on and raged on are very similar-try to mix it up since they are so close together. -the wind began to quiet{en} down -Try to think of other ways to start your sentences besides "as" because you do it a lot and it gets repetitive. -"Some say {that} she was out collecting berries. Others say {that} she had gotten lost. But some say {that} she had let..." *Get rid of "thats" whenever possible."

Overall, I think this is a wonderful story that you could keep as a short story or expand into a novel if you really wanted to. I want to know about her long lost love! I love your descriptions. Good luck in all your writing endeavors! And thanks for the cover :)