Breaking the Concord

Breaking the Concord

1 chapter / 1196 words

Approximately 6 minutes to read

Description:

Lysander discovers his god is false, with Lauretta's help the two will attempt to uncover the Concord's manipulative ways and free their world from oppression.
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This is the beginning of a long novel.
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Cover design by Balance-Sheet on deviantart.com

Comments(70)

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over 1 year ago Alexandr Lukin said:

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about 4 years ago Emily Griffin said:

This would be a great introduction for a story.

Reviews(12)

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over 5 years ago Melissa Kinney said:

I loved the characters and the setting! This world is very interesting, and I get the feeling that a lot of the information is introduced in a way that makes me feel like it'll be continued. ...Will it? If so, please tell me if you add more! :) Good luck in the contest!

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over 5 years ago ArtemisFey said:

The comma splices were already mentioned, and other than that, I really only have one thing to point out. At the end, there's a paragraph about the world, how parts of it were destroyed, etc. But Lysander would already know all of that. Why would he need to think about it? Is there a more organic way to convey it to the audience? Maybe have Laurette say something about it, since she was talking about the rest of it...? I don't know how, that's up to you, but the rest flows naturally, and that just seems exposition-y.