Breaking the Concord

Breaking the Concord

1 chapter / 1196 words

Approximately 6 minutes to read


Lysander discovers his god is false, with Lauretta's help the two will attempt to uncover the Concord's manipulative ways and free their world from oppression.
This is the beginning of a long novel.
Cover design by Balance-Sheet on



over 1 year ago Alexandr Lukin said:

ShowBox program allows you to watch Hollywood movies and Serials too, TV shows which are loved to see you daily, you can explore Showbox app at every moment in every day of your life.


about 4 years ago Emily Griffin said:

This would be a great introduction for a story.


Paprika icon

over 5 years ago Melissa Kinney said:

I loved the characters and the setting! This world is very interesting, and I get the feeling that a lot of the information is introduced in a way that makes me feel like it'll be continued. ...Will it? If so, please tell me if you add more! :) Good luck in the contest!


over 5 years ago ArtemisFey said:

The comma splices were already mentioned, and other than that, I really only have one thing to point out. At the end, there's a paragraph about the world, how parts of it were destroyed, etc. But Lysander would already know all of that. Why would he need to think about it? Is there a more organic way to convey it to the audience? Maybe have Laurette say something about it, since she was talking about the rest of it...? I don't know how, that's up to you, but the rest flows naturally, and that just seems exposition-y.