Orange Juice

Orange Juice

1 chapter / 542 words

Approximately 3 minutes to read


You think I killed Herman Mildew? Absurd! Or is it?...




over 4 years ago Jake Ezra said:

That was refreshingly hilarious, loved the mildew line near the end.


over 5 years ago Anorexic said:

Awesome and creative! I hope u win (\o3o/)


over 5 years ago Madeline Ann said:

This was really funny and cute. If you want to swap with me, please read Bully. Thanks!

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over 5 years ago Maia Sowers said:

love it!!! great job :D



over 5 years ago Lynnie Falby said:

A really enjoyable read! I loved how the tone was struggling with seriousness but instead becoming comically twisted. You moved along at a nice pace for such a short piece, not rushed or dragging. I might change the age of your character just a bit, or add further explanation. A thirteen year old who is dealing one on one with a horrendous agent and driving easily around town seems a bit off. I thought the extra touch of pointing fingers at someone else was great. In case the previous irony wasn't obvious enough, it highlighted how ridiculous her story was. Adding a few more details or characterizing elements could do you some good, just to round out the story and make us really feel why the narrator has clearly snapped. Overall, though, it was lovely. Keep writing(:


over 5 years ago maria-chan said:

Oh my god! XD That was hilarious. I have read other contest entries that mentioned the orange juice ;) but you used it ingeniously, with the antifreeze XD bahahaha. I like that unlike other entries, you chose to actually reveal enough hints that point to your narrator as the murderer, it's different and only adds more to the humor. Great job!