Thoughtful

Thoughtful

7 chapters / 9343 words

Approximately about 1 hour to read

Description:

Cassie can't remember her family, or her name, or anything beyond waking up in a stainless steel room, but she hears things others can't and knows things she shouldn't.

This was my attempt at a NaNoWriMo '10 piece. I did not hit the 50k goal (le sob), but I still liked the story, so... FIGMENT'D.

Cover image source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/gi/445569722/in/photostream/

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Reviews(37)

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almost 8 years ago Harper Riddall said:

Thoughtful Oh, you did NaNo too? Awesome! :D Anyway. *clears throat* ‘The too bright lights grew warm and the air grew warm…’ I think that if both of them are being described as warm, you don’t need the separate descriptions. Like, ‘The too-bright lights and the room grew warm.’ But I’ve rarely felt like lights are growing warm while I stare at them. Maybe just put that the lights were too bright? Unless she was touching the bulbs she wouldn’t know that they were growing warm. …Unless it was a typo. If so ignore this. This is exceptionally well-written for a NaNo draft, if you know what I mean XD It’s really hooked me. I love it so far. Following and hearted! The imagery is excellent, and it just flows so easily. Wait, she doesn’t have clothes on? I thought she had wrapped a towel around herself? They seem to clear their throats a lot. Maybe you could change the description once in a while? I mean, it seems like before every piece of their dialogue it says ‘the man cleared his throat.’ (Maybe it’s just me.) I love the ending of chapter one, how she doesn’t remember them at all, and it repeats the process of earlier. Very mysterious and it definitely hooks you and makes you want to read more. Overall, I loved this! Great job!

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about 7 years ago kyla denae said:

Epic. I like the sensory detail you weave into the feelings. Masterfully done. Your beginning definitely hooked me, setting up the strangeness, but then you only make it get weirder. I like it.

Can't wait for more!! :)