Darkness Alive

Darkness Alive

1 chapter / 2375 words

Approximately 12 minutes to read

Description:

My goal is to get this to at least 30 hearts before I post my next story. Please help in this goal! This is a Halloween horror story. Cris and Jeremy accept a bet to enter the Wilson House. A dark home that no one has lived inside for decades. No one has gone inside and come out sane. When Cris and Jeremy are trapped inside, who knows if they'll come out sane, or at all.

Comments(11)

Aymakon

over 4 years ago Miguel Alfau said:

Nice! You have quite a taste for this genre of story telling. Most people don't have the guts to just kill the MC without giving him some Gary Stu moments. You definitely deserve the Heart.

Keep it up! A few fixes here or there and you could be like the next R.L. Stine!

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over 4 years ago M.H. said:

O_o *shudders* I will never go into a haunted house again. I don't care if they're just for Halloween, just for fun. I will be paranoid for the rest of my life because your work is so fantastically creepy. My only question is, who's Cris? You mention him one, and I get the feeling you meant to type Jeremy instead. Other than that, wonderful, albeit extremely creepy work. I'm going to go hide in my room and make sure there's nothing under my bed now. O_o

Figment

over 4 years ago Juliet Bravo said:

Perfect for Halloween! Very spooky. I do agree, though, that certain bits were rushed. Overall you have a great story!

Sam_8452

over 4 years ago Elizabeth Korb said:

Very well done! It just needs some cleaning up with punctuation and grammar. I think it would also be better if you put more in with the conversations between the two boys. Other than that, great job!

Reviews(2)

Funny-pikachu-pokemon-pokeball

over 4 years ago ArtemisFey said:

A couple questions:

-How is this being told in past tense? Was the reader eaten too? Because otherwise it implies the MC is okay...

-"Permeate" at the beginning should be "permeated."

-When the MC accepts the dare, it happens too fast. It was like, "I'm not going in." "You're scared." "Okay, I'll go in! :)" No time for thought or anything.

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over 4 years ago Shayymin said:

I loved your story! It gave me the chills! One thing though, why were the shadows there, and why did they eat the boys up? You did a really good job on details, and the writing flowed naturally! Out of a score of 1 - 10, I would give you a 10!