Buried in the Ashes

Buried in the Ashes

1 chapter / 1199 words

Approximately 6 minutes to read

Description:

*One of the winners of the After Contest* Thanks to Caitlyn Joy for the cover :P
(Takes place in a post-apocalyptic world)
They told me lots of things. And for some time they lied. They left, the died. And then, when all things die. Only the pure rise from the ashes.

  • 103
  • 0
  • 31
  • 27
  • 15
  • 63

Comments(68)

Hehe

about 5 years ago Jesse Disner said:

The way you wrote this was amazing! XD

Newest me

about 5 years ago Sally Balboa said:

The first part is really effective, but maybe you should cut it down.

Img_1221

about 5 years ago Krystal Maestas said:

This was a well written, emotional piece of writing. Your imagery is great and I liked the story. Great job.

Imagesca08xkny

about 5 years ago Jay Bird said:

I lOVE LOVE LOVE this piece its very detialed and explained and touching you are an amazing writer! I also really enjoyed your voice its easy to follow and doesnt make things seem unrealistic it all flowed beautifully!

Reviews(10)

Figment and nano prof pic

about 5 years ago Laura Muse said:

This story is one of many that have potential but haven't reached it yet. There is so much that can be done with this story, with the jaded voice from which it is told. Your narrator's world-weary, pessimistic attitude could be mistaken for a sort of indifference. He's so nonchalant about all of the different things that have befallen him that a reader would lost interest about half way through. Make your character something to fight for. He can't just be a lost cause that the average reader would write off as another victim of horrid luck. You have to make him into a hopeless boy that might just pull everything together and become a human being again. Also, there's this little thing about his sort of depression period that bothers me: if he'd hardly moved in 7 years, he'd be dead. Or at least unable to move well. There needs to be more characterization of the girl as well. You gave her some cliche similes as a description (if it's the same girl, which I assume so) and nothing more. Steer away from cliches like "black as the night sky." Stuff like that sort of lowers your level of eloquence and literary advancement.

All in all, like I mentioned before, there is potential, but as it stands it needs some serious fixing. It's probably just a draft, but if it's going to become anything, you really should sit down and look through it for a while.

Thank you so much for your covers!

Avatar-thumb

about 5 years ago Bailey Hohm said:

I really loved this. I would like to maybe see a little more elaboration in the middle during the hopeless part of his life (it would help me connect to the character a bit more)and maybe a little more to intrigue me about the girl (dialogue? A bit more description than physical appearance?). I loved your language usage, it really painted a picture in my head and made me understand in original ways the world they were in. And the ending was beautiful. The last line really tied it together. This is a very solid, well written piece!