Below Freezing

Below Freezing

1 chapter / 533 words

Approximately 3 minutes to read

Description:

The future tense second person story about his life after the next Meteorite Impact.

Genres:

Writing

Comments(11)

Hello i am also faye

about 5 years ago Kara Rivers (Carrion Pigeon) said:

Scientifically inaccurate (ASTROPHYSICS FTW) but but but... absolutely gorgeous otherwise.

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I want you to expand this afterwards... pleases? Pleasespleasespleases? I've already fallen absolutely in love with your MC and the world he (I assume)'s in.

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about 5 years ago Ginger Alexandra said:

This is awesome! Great job! :)

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about 5 years ago Scarlet River Fox said:

GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!

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about 5 years ago Abby A said:

I really like it, would like to know more too. It was filled with emotion great job!!

Reviews(4)

Tardisinspace

about 5 years ago Theresa Alef said:

Ah, what can I say that hasn't already been said? This is amazing, and beautiful, and a wonderful example of everything I love about your writing. I saw two things, though. Two eensy weensy little things:

1. "had friends, was taken care of..." Was is pretty awkward. The whole story travels along nicely, and then WHAM! Someone throws a brick at it. You could say, "I wonder...if you had friends, if someone took care of you." That sounds better.

2. "I'll wonder if you want everything just because you weren't given anything when everything was okay." Thing, thing, thing. Meh. Change the last "everything" to some other word. 'The World' sounds good. "I'll wonder if you want everything just because you weren't given anything when the world was okay."

Other than that, OH MY GOODNESS THIS IS AMAZING!

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about 5 years ago ethereality said:

I absolutely adore future tense writing.

Nitpicky, but "..will still be kicking up dust even a week after it landed." I don't know why this bugs me, but I think "it" should be "it's (it has)" just because it fits the tense better.

Okay, this is insane. Seriously. There's something wrong, something missing, something that just drives me batty. It's too freaky. It's like those moments in horror movies when you absolutely KNOW something is going to happen because everything is just too..too...perfect. Aghh. Killing myself trying to explain this.

Er, what I mean to say is that this piece makes me want to shove a door in. Hulk-smash style. It's the "I know something that the main character doesn't" feeling (that you get in horror movies, finally something to shed some light on that previous paragraph) that makes you want to scream.

I love the narrator. He/she is sort of like the voice of his dead form, speaking to his alive one. It's so....FREAKY.

Not to mention the setting. You drop subtle clues, like the sun exploding, the narrator's world dying, (which makes me wonder, are they living among some sort of alien-like creatures?) the meteor crash, et cetera et cetera. And all those clues enter our subconscious, and our subconscious does that subconscious-y thing it does and turns those bits of information into a 3d world in our imagination. And it's a very cool world, indeed.

I like how you don't dwell on that, or the food issues they have, but their relationship. You focus on the one thing we all want, but through those little hints, you show us that you have something we want even MORE. (We, as in the readers.) It's like a cruel teasing game, actually.

Okay, forgive me. I hope you don't think I'm bashing your story. I'm just rambling in a roundabout way, trying to tell you that THIS STORY IS AMAZING. I totally understand why you're proud of it. I would definitely vote for you. This is amazing! I envy your talent, dear. Keep writing! The brilliance of this piece is stunning :3