The Outsiders

The Outsiders

33 chapters / 13846 words

Approximately about 1 hour to read

Description:

[Completed] Harkalan, the mother of all future cities. A beautiful city to look at, but a horrible society. The weird and different are abandoned, bullied and beaten up. Now they begin to rise up, they stand up against society, and soon the world. The Outsiders are coming.

Genres:

Dystopian, Novel, Fantasy

Comments(54)

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about 4 years ago A Girl That Writes said:

So I really love this. Your writing is really amazing and the story line is simply amazing. There is so much suspense and character building, even though I only read about ten chapters before I realized I had to finish my other swaps. I also love teh dedication you have with this story since I know how hard it is to stick with a story once you begin :)

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over 4 years ago Malin Engelbrektsson said:

Interesting story! I liked the unusual name you picked for your character.

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over 4 years ago Lewis Leonard said:

I have read the prologue, and I suggest you do not start with simply telling people what is happening. It is boring. I am sorry to say it. Your writing style is also a little messy. I might read more, and I will tell you how it is going then.

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over 4 years ago Cheyenne Summers said:

There's some grammar issues, but I really like this nevertheless. The plot's interesting and your descriptions are really good :)

Reviews(7)

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over 4 years ago Tyanna J Snider said:

I'm including the prologue since it's so short :)

-harkalan nice name

-You have a typo "thataAmericawould"

-Nice little flashforward but I wouldnt tell everyone that it's currupted just yet let the reader discover it!

Chapter 1

This chapter seems to be moving a little fast. You should dd some details or better yets some explanations on how everything is around the school. Better et this would be a good prologue, that way you wouldn't have to rewrite it. Why was the man who killed the bullies not allowed you could go into a small back story on how he got his face messed up. you know just add a little bit more back story to everything.

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over 4 years ago Ge Marquez said:

Hey :) Finally sneaked in some time. . . anyway, first, The grammar.

You have misplaced punctuations and sometimes dangling and misplaced modifiers. You have a lot of misspelled words that you need to note. I assume you haven't checked in on the grammar yet? Also, I thought this wasn't in any person's point of view, but I noticed the your usage of "I" in the first chapter. You should fix that, if you're writing in a form of Narrative where there is a narrator overseeing everyone's side of the story or one that's from one end only you should do that from the beginning of the story till end. I'm still going through the first chapter but I found these mistakes already. If I may have come harsh on you, I apologize but hey, it's better than not having any honest feedback :) You might wanna slow things down a bit too, I think you were going way too fast.