The Last Battle

The Last Battle

1 chapter / 1456 words

Approximately 7 minutes to read

Description:

*DARKSTAR FINALIST* Something isn't right... The cities energy is bign sucked somewhere... It has to be the final Bitter Enemy attack. The last battle that will Scar Kyra for life.
*A short story relating to Miracle Avengers*

Comments(40)

Ayesha 1

11 months ago Ayesha Binte Islam said:

Great story!

Singing violinist

over 4 years ago Singing violinist said:

not sure if this is based on madoka magica or just a really good book

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almost 5 years ago K.D. Hailey said:

I don't know ... what was I thinking? XD

Kittypryde3

almost 5 years ago Bridget Gillman said:

Good job, but, umm... How is that a play or a screenplay?

Reviews(9)

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about 5 years ago Yumi Okazaki said:

In truth, this kind of story is not really my specifics. But I will try to critique anyhow. Well, for starters, I think that you need to sharpen this story. Your tenses are off and you have missing words here and there. And sometimes you're very repetitive or redundant. The plot is good though but I found myself getting bored somewhere in the middle. But the ending was very good. The kind of tragic that really can't be avoided when there's a battle involved.

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about 5 years ago Rhonda said:

Okay. So I really like the beginning and the ending. But in the middle, you kinda lost me.

One grammar tip: when you're writing a quote, be sure and end it with a comma before the second quotation, especially if you're finishing the sentence off with 'she said' or something of the like. A period ends the sentence. 'She said.' Is not a sentence. Just a little helpful tip there :)

The reason you lost me is through your descriptions. Some of the time your words were repetitive, or you changed tenses... And I struggled with following what was happening. But you still brought it around with a dramatic ending, and that made it worth the read! I suggest that maybe you rewrote that middle section, however. Good luck!