Raven: A Paranormal Romance

Raven: A Paranormal Romance

15 chapters / 14685 words

Approximately about 1 hour to read

Description:

(BEAUTIFUL AND AWESOME COVER BY DANIEL JIMENEZ!)My final draft of Raven, feedback is greatly appreciated.

Comments(11)

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10 months ago FayeHeart said:

Beautiful story

Bunbun

over 4 years ago Hikari Hoshi (Miki) said:

This is really nice! I love it!

Cool4

over 4 years ago Katie ZaBAM said:

Wow, really great job so far. Keep writing!

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about 5 years ago Alexis Wright said:

It has a lot of potential, but it is really fast paced. If you slowed down and explained what's going on, I would like it a lot more.

Reviews(5)

Sebastian 1

almost 5 years ago Bernice G. said:

While this was great, it reminded me of an anime--this can be a good and bad thing. It's good because it's really light hearted, and it becomes like a manga without pictures. It's bad because it limits the depth of your story and causes it to be taken too lightly. This is seen in the parts where the characters lack true detail, and have a naïve mentality like most anime characters possess. However, if you develop your characters' personalities more and the plot more, it will be very awesome. Just remember that your readers can't see the images you see while you're writing so don't neglect to add any details on anything or else you risk losing your readers. :) Happy Writing, Soja.

Woman

about 5 years ago Ida B. said:

Your writing is good, your writing style is good, there is nothing wrong where rhetorical devices, writing style, and all that stuff ties in. What is something you need to work on is filling the gaps better with more details. True, your details are good, but that's not in every case. I'm talking about the plot here. One, would anyone, really, walk home with this really cute guy that she doesn't know the name of, she doesn't ask any questions about his family, his name until the very end of the walk, and doesn't even understand how he knew where she lived?

Not only this, but how do you explain why raven's mother is crying when raven gets home after the whole thing with her bully getting her butt beat? is it because she didn't know where raven was? and really, if so, then why doesn't she just say that and not bring up the necromancer thing?

her mum had no real reason to bring up necromancy at that one time at that one point. It made things a little awkward because first raven's running home, then she gets home, then there's aaron and she doesn't ask him what he's doing there, how he got in, and when she walks in, her mum's crying. why is her mother crying and why doesn't she say anything other than, I'm sorry raven but i'm a necromancer and you are one too. Why doesn't raven completely reject the idea, think that everyone is a complete lune, or at the very least, ask why her mother would think that, why she was crying, and how on earth could she be a necromancer? She's never done anything special other than wear all black.

It just doesn't add up and isn't realistic. And not in the sense of necromancy isn't real, but because of the fact that the reactions that these people have are unrealistic and when a situation occurs that creates glaring questions for the main character to ask, she doesn't ask anything other than, you lied to me and i'm never going to my old school again? Do you see what I'm seeing or am I not making sense?

Just overall, don't take offense by this. I'm on the fourth or fifth chapter, and I'm not saying this to be bitchy, I'm saying this to make you realize that you need to do something about how to escalate to big things with reasons, realistic reasons, as to why the plot starts to escalate.

Or am i making no sense?

Know that I didn't mean to hurt you. yeah, you might be hurt a lot, or really pissed off, but honestly, I meant this review with extreme sincerity and honesty. I like the way you write; this story just needs a little more work where details like that are concerned. Please don't take this as an offensive review. Know that it was never meant to be taken like that.