Comments(7)

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almost 5 years ago Kacela said:

This was well narrated. I liked the pace, too. It feels rushed, like she is rushing to get the deed done the whole time, and I was rushing to the finish. It manipulated me to feel what she was feeling, and that's how you know you've done a good job. Well done.

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about 5 years ago Shelby Soares said:

I have chills!

Romans

about 5 years ago Abbey said:

This was so powerful. I can't believe Rosa would treat her friend like that! If Rosa were a real friend, she wouldn't grow tired of defending her friend, and she would never treat her that way! Ugh, I just want to smack some sense into Rosa! Anyway, you conveyed the emotions in this so vividly. I could feel my heart racing as she ran towards the bridge and just as tears came from her eyes, tears came from mine. You had a few gramatical mistakes throughout the whole thing---a couple missing commas and I think a runon sentence. I suggest you go back through it and read it aloud to yourself. That always helps me catch my own mistakes. Overall, a job well done. Even though I strongly disagree with anyone committing suicide, because I believe every life is special and of outstandingly large value no matter what anyopne thinks (even that person), I feel you did an incredible job writing this! :D

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about 5 years ago Gabbish said:

This is so sad but I loved everything about it and it made since. Thank you for reading Sail. :)

Reviews(1)

Despicsinger

about 5 years ago CNRain said:

While I do think this story is excellently narrated, I really don't like the way it ended tbh. I'm not a big fan of stories that pertain to bullying/depression. But that's just me.

Anyways. If you want tips of how to improve, or what I think might help your story. Read on. 1) To make the dissolution of the friendship more heartbreaking, I think there needs to be an example of how Rose came to be her friend and why MC wanted to say good-bye to her. 2) The father aspect of the story was random. I would add a memory or something that showed the rift between them, instead of just telling that her father yelled at her. Shouldn't he also be affected by the death of his wife and song? -> Maybe that could be the cause of his attitude towards his daughter.

:]