Perception of Deception

Perception of Deception

1 chapter / 479 words

Approximately 2 minutes to read

Description:

Stellana is not only a 17-year-old girl but she is Russian royalty and a mysterious, powerful clan is after her. She also has a secret, a gift of mind reading.

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Comments(967)

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17 days ago Bellah Unknown said:

Nice :)

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about 1 month ago lukin1985 said:

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11 months ago Vanna said:

Amazing! It's a cross between Anastasia and X-Men. Keep writing

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almost 2 years ago Lindsay said:

I don't think you can make it end there. We don't know enough to care about her or the danger she's in. I think you need more to the story.

Reviews(160)

Photo on 2-13-17 at 8.23 pm

4 months ago Max Baumeister said:

Salutations!

This is a critique- and meant only to be beneficial! Please understand that my only intent is to help improve your writing! (By reading your work, it also helps me).

To begin, I only review stories that I know the author will be willing to take my advice into consideration, and most importantly- that there is a lot of positive items to say about. In addition, I try to write critiques on short stories because the author is able to easily see and correct their mistakes.

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I was really hesitant about reviewing this piece because you have done your best to circulate it, and I do not want anybody upset… but I think you have talent- and people with talent usually understand that writing is never perfect.

I liked that you were careful to break up your paragraphs. This eliminated a lot of confusion and I like how you space out the dialogue. It is a smart idea for this story, and I think it keeps the readers on their toes. I loved that about this piece!

I speculated whether you had some type of Romance between Jurkek. I re-read it several times, and I finally decided that the mystery was rather exciting.

I would love for it to continue! I want to see what happens, and where you are being taken. A lot of writers use this strategy where they create ambiguity within their work- And when used to a certain extent- it can be extraordinarily effective!

One of my favorite lines:

“The cool breeze kisses my cheeks as I sit amongst the birch tree leaves. They flutter to the ground creating an orange carpet around me.” —]

Suggestions? Given that this piece is so heavily reviewed- I am going to give you a review that I hope you will take in strides. Remember- you have a literary license, and all I am is a reader- a critic- one single person.

I feel you could make this piece even more intense. Asking questions is always a great way to do this, and the short piece is full of questions. However, I think the audience needs some answers to these questions. Why? Well, questions create curiosity, but at some point the reader will get a little stressed and confused.

The end was one that I assume will be carried into another chapter… However, I think the end should be more robust.

Adding dialogue between you and Jurek could help the reader understand at a greater level. There are stories and tales that dialogue is a must, but I am not sure with this one. I think it wouldn’t hurt, and might actually be beneficial.

I will tell you what my teacher’s told me. Luckily, my parents were able to send me to an elite school that taught me a lot about literature. (I hate grammar and am awful at it- I like to break the rules! heh) They repeated something that my dad would repeat, “Rewrite! Rewrite! Rewrite!” Rewriting will only make it a stronger piece and I think it would be beneficial to take this idea into consideration.

It is a wonderful piece, and I think you have talented but I think you have to cultivate your skills. The publisher did not like my second book’s third or fourth chapter. (I do not remember precisely) He hated the beginning of that chapter, and I did something that was scary- I started the whole chapter over again. This was about 10,000 words, and although I hated doing it- I loved the outcome. Point- yes, it is scary- but you have a great story- an idea- and rewriting it will strength the piece. Maybe keep a good bit- I am not saying to throw it all the way- but go through and really analyze the words.

I think you do not need a lot of instructions, to be honest. I think you are skilled enough to rewrite your story and make more powerful without guidance. You are a very good author!

I loved reading this, and I hope to read more. Thank you for sharing this. I hope I did not offend you. :) Take care.

Kind Regards,

Max

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about 2 years ago Robert Grant said:

I love the concept that your protagonist is the last of the royal family and they want to kill her. Great suspense!