Dreamer

Dreamer

1 chapter / 750 words

Approximately 4 minutes to read

Description:

750 words exactly. That was close. Anyways heart and feedback would be great! Please mind that I had a word limit. I would have loved to go into more detail but that is not possible. Not until the contest is over.

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Comments(9)

Untitled

almost 6 years ago CJ Toby Xtremi said:

Hey1 This was totally cool! You should take it further! Well done from CJ

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over 6 years ago Anon Y. Mouse said:

when you say "Owoooo", you should put it in italics. still, i agree with emma, it's a great world you've created here. also, remember to use details and decription!

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over 6 years ago Anon Y. Mouse said:

"This belt isthe "

Wolf howling

over 6 years ago Åɳɳḭε said:

I really love the original idea of this - the whole taming animals to become a warrior. (it also helps that I love wolves). I loved the beginning with the premonition, and the description of the action while in the forest. Overall, well written and suspenseful! (and I like your cover)

Reviews(1)

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over 6 years ago Roberta H. Shapiro said:

Things in which I find them: 1. I love the beginning. It hooks the reader immediately. 2. "blood stained" is "blood-stained" 3. "It has many air pockets and has unlimited storage." Try not to come out and say it, but if you do, phrase it a bit better (take out the second "has," for a start. 4. "This belt isthe best thing to have while training in warrior tribes." space between is" and "the." 5. Next sentence starts with the same words. Try to change it up \a bit. 6. "'Good Luck!' I laughed and raced to the training ground." Try to separate the two character's lines a bit. It confuses the reader. Maybe try adding a tag to the quote or making a different line. 7. comma after "'pet.'" 8. "'Show yourself'" Needs punctuation. 9. "I tried to get up but then the wolves roared and lunged." Comma after "but" and remove "then." 10. ""Here comes Jess everyone!"" Comma after Jess. 11. ""I know what your going to say so let me stop you before you say it." I motioned for my pets to come out. "Is this what you're looking for.” Everyone gasped." your->you're 12. The ending made me laugh a bit. Great job!