Undone

Undone

3 chapters / 1302 words

Approximately 7 minutes to read

Genres:

Drama, Horror, Novel

Comments(4)

Phzynx.128.123634

8 months ago Sophia Gabrielle Diez Espejon said:

My Formal Self: I love this story! It's amazing and your wordings are excellent! I wanna write like this someday.

My Normal Self: WHOA I SAW DAT WORD "S**" But it's normal 'cause it'll happen to some of us one day... Thinking about it makes me shiver. So I'll vote for shiver. And I'll also vote for cry, 'cause that's wut my soul is feeling.

Photo12

almost 5 years ago Maya Black/Brenna Helquist said:

Wow, this story definintly left some shivers in my spine. It was fast-paced and I loved how you delved into this seriously disturbed mind still adding a touch of beauty to your story and descriptions. Bravo :)

-B

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almost 5 years ago A said:

wow! loved this even though i'm really not a horror fan. wonderfully written

Wowza4

almost 5 years ago Taya Tennant said:

I love this. Horror stories are my kinda thing and you wrote this perfectly.

Reviews(1)

Screen shot 2013-05-06 at 8.21.06 am

almost 5 years ago SK said:

Hey there and I'm so sorry for responding late to the swap arranged a couple of weeks ago- I've been occupied with exams :( Anyways, I actually really loved this piece. It was very original and direct, which is nice, and the first person narrative showcases that. It's definitely creepy and it leaves the reader longing to know how the main character became so unstable. My only two suggestions/critiques are in the second chapter: the word 'stale' seems a little awkward to describe rain, especially since in the previous chapter you used it to describe air, and when you say "until I met him" or something of the like, it seems like the narrator is saying "until I met [my father], since he was the previous subject. A way of correcting this could be to make it a new line with some added words, e.g. "Everything was ordinary. Until I met him.". Overall it was captivating and entertaining :)