1 chapter / 3183 words

Approximately 16 minutes to read


[EXCERPT] Will's life was painfully average until his chemistry teacher went insane. Once he's introduced to the new substitute, however, things quickly start to pick up. He makes some new friends, has a few run-ins with his sadistic principal, and accidentally stumbles upon a portal to another universe that's been stuffed inside a locker. It isn't long before Will is pulled into a decades-long conflict that's somehow managed to spill over into his tiny hometown of Everly, Iowa. As he's starting to realize, he's in way over his head. Volume I of III.



over 4 years ago Artemis Evans said:

Why is this an expert. Where can I find the rest? The beginning is amazing. So how can i continue it?


over 5 years ago Angie said:

OK so I'm really new to figment, is there a way to read the whole story instead of just the excerpt? Was the rest taken down by the author?


over 5 years ago Fatima Shaik said:

I REALLY love this... My friend (Miss Breckenridge) tells me that you're thinking about publishing this and that is why the whole thing isn't up anymore...? Weeelllll, I would REALLY love to read more! If there's any way that could happen, PLEASE let me know! I really want to know where this locker leads and I already love Will, Jack and Olivia's dynamic... :D


almost 6 years ago J.L. Breckenridge said:

Loved this! So much! It was funny, well paced, and the characters are so perfect. I actually found myself wanting to recommend this to my friends and wishing you would publish this. I can't wait to read Volume II!



over 6 years ago Luke Pencil said:

HOLY SMOKES AAAAHHHHHHHHH I FINISHED IT. And it was exceptional. I mean, I've read a lot of Figment, but this is far and away what has been the best. SUPER AWESOME. The climax was good, the denouement excellent, and the room for sequels spacious and enticing. I am so stoked to move onto the second volume. Speaking of which, you really need a better name. I don't care what it is, but you really need something other than 'Volume 1'. This isn't an encyclopedia. It's a kick-ass comic action novel. Give it a kick-ass comic action novel name. I don't have any ideas, though. Maybe something referencing the Agency, Everly, or interdimensional travel... Or you could give the trio a group code name, like Hard-Drinking Murk Squad or perhaps The Kendrick Harassment Team, and use that in the book's name... Or maybe just bring up something like Operation: Payback, Bitches as the title. Or be clever and do something like How to Save Your Universe and Still Have Time to Drink. I don't know. It's just that Volume I isn't descriptive enough and you can definitely do better for a work of this caliber. That's all. SUPER AWESOME


over 6 years ago Luke Pencil said:

Chapter 20. I did not know that Will was a superhero. I'm not sure it's good for the story, either. I think the adrenaline rush is believable and it's good that he gets away, but the chase and fight look a little unrealistic after he's been drugged. It just doesn't make sense to me. It's also weird that they're giving him anesthetic first. That's not even normal for regular vaccine shots, much less a zombifying shot. The bad guys shouldn't care whether or not he's comfortable.

That being said, it would suck to ask you to change a lot of the chapter, so I have an easy fix. When Ashby is going to give Will the brainwashing fluid, have one of the zombie footballers hand her a syringe full of the wrong thing. Like, maybe they give her a syringe of real vaccine instead of brainwashing fluid, and when the baller zombie is getting the right thing, Will makes his escape. Later, after he gets punched out a couple of times and is then saved by Nash, Will can pass out from the strain and injury or just go on from there. Not that you have to do this; I just strongly recommend it. It's simply that nobody kicks ass after getting injected with sedatives except for maybe Nash.

I loved that Crowley was a double agent. That was perfect. I also loved the interaction between Olivia and Jack in the closet. Jack is the perfect dumb hero and Olivia makes a great cynical damsel in distress. It's just great. Oh, and I think that since this is part of the climax, you might consider dragging it out more. Describe more of the chase through the hallway; it occurs in a null of imagery. You might try to describe the way the bullets ricocheted off lockers in brilliant showers of sparks, or how the shouts of the zombies sounded more like hoarse grunts. Talk about the cold of the air, the way the zombies smell, the way the light looks in a school in a blizzard, maybe without power. I just want to be in the world with Will and Jack and Olivia; imagery helps me get there. I'm done ranting now. If you have some time, I'd love for you to read Losers. It's what I'm working on right now and the humor might appeal to you. Thanks and have a good night!