The Evaluation of a Madman

The Evaluation of a Madman

1 chapter / 3604 words

Approximately 18 minutes to read

Description:

A one-act play I wrote for my drama class. I plan on adding more to the play when I get the chance. I'm looking to get some feedback to help improve this play. WARNING: extensive use of explicit language. *New scene added to the play.

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Reviews(6)

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over 4 years ago The Reviewer said:

The Evaluation of a Madman

This is a review intended to better your work. Please take all corrections, suggestions, and comments with an open mind. Keep in mind these are only suggestions. I apologize if this isn’t a full review of the piece, bear in mind I am trying to review as many peoples’ work as possible. Thank you. Plot & Ideas

#1) Good job setting the stage for the scene. You do a good job running over all the characters, and giving a short description of each.

#2) Never refer to the setting as “stage”. At least, I don’t think you should. In the beginning you say he is frantically pacing around the courtyard, which I loved. Continue with that instead of saying: (Paces around stage…)

#3) Make sure to put a rating (PG-13 to R) because of the language used. There are younger figment users that might not be mature enough to read the content.

#4) Clarke relieves the Corporal and then he offers him a smoke. Either offer the Corporal a smoke and then have him refuse, or just dismiss him. (not a must, just an idea). #5) So Clarke is a doctor too? You might want to specify that. The audience won’t be able to read the character descriptions in the beginning unless you have a narrator. Find a way to introduce him as a doctor without confusing the reader.

Grammar and Sentences

#1) In play writing I do not believe that you need the colon from the name to what the characters are saying. At least in most of the plays I’ve read it is just a space with nothing in-between.

#2) “Patel: TO make a long story short, the base I was at was attacked this morning.” Reword the sentence so he doesn’t say “was” twice. It was repetitive. #3) You have two (curtain)s either show the first curtain closing, and then opening to a new stage, or just delete one of them. This happens multiple times. I think you should say (curtain drops) to signify a new scene before saying (curtain opens to…) Then again, I am not a playwright so if you have past experience and know this to be how plays are written, by all means, disregard me.

#4) Final sentence “…but it fills you (up) at least.” Replace over with up.

Overall

I am no expert on plays but from what I have read of yours it is well written. You do a great job with the characters and I really could see what was going on in the stage. Aside for the few minor things I mentioned above I really did enjoy reading. If I had more time I would have gone far more in-depth with your review. For that I apologize. Your characters are well placed, have great dialogue between one another, and feel real. Your setting is always displayed in a perfect light. Intriguing storyline. If I ever have time I will come back to your piece and re-read, or continue. Great job, I encourage you to continue this. I haven’t read many one-act plays on figment and yours is my favorite so far. I hope to read more in the near future.

~The Reviewer

Writing

over 4 years ago Jessica B said:

Ok, this is a bit long so I may only read about half of it. :) I'm already interested because you've tagged schizophrenia!

--Beginning is kind of vague...

--Not a whole lot of people say "old chap" unironically.

--"To make a long story short, the base..." I'd cut out the first part of that sentence.

--"For sure he is schizophrenic." I'd rephrase that line.

--"totally nonsensical stuff" doesn't sound like something a soldier in the 30's would say.

OK, I'm going to stop after he tells the doctors they don't know combat. This is a good start, but I would recommend a bit more characterization. I am a person that craves character-driven tales, though, so it may just be me.