Theater (seventeenmag)

Theater (seventeenmag)

1 chapter / 301 words

Approximately 2 minutes to read




over 1 year ago Alexandr Lukin said:

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Photo on 9-23-15 at 4.16 pm

almost 5 years ago L. R. Bauer said:

I enjoyed reading this. You built up the anticipation very nicely. It reminded me of plays I have acted in, there is always that split second before I say my first line where I panic and think I will forget what to say. I just caught one typo while I was reading.

"...he spoke about how hard the cast had worked and the challenges they had gone trough." It should be "through."

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almost 5 years ago Jonathan Cordoba said:

Really good in giving a visualization, and expression,and p.s the writer is pretty cute ;)



almost 5 years ago Oliver said:

I think I'll go out on a limb and disagree with the previous two reviewers. I don't really understand why this story exists. Let me explain.

First, there are certain technical issues. Why are certain words capitalized? Is it some kind of narrative device? "Crowd," "Waiting,"...they're definitely not proper nouns. Does the capitalization harbor some kind of meaning, as capitalization often does? If so, I certainly don't see it, and you should make it clearer. If not, then get rid of it. Also, the sentence "she knew the feeling was only out of fear and nothing more, she was still terrified" is entirely nonsensical and circular. It's like saying "she knew she was scared because she was scared but she was still scared."

Luckily, things like that can be fixed. The same may not necessarily be said about the overall artistic backbone of this story. What are you trying to achieve with this piece? I get that it's about someone overcoming stage fright, but that doesn't strike me as particularly new or interesting. It can be made interesting if you deal with it in a novel way, but I can't say you've done that. I got nothing more from this piece than I would have from someone simply stating, "some girl felt scared before going out on stage, but in the end she conquered her fear and everyone applauded." I think this basically comes down to your characterization. I felt nothing for these characters. For one, they remain completely anonymous (I would consider naming them). I know absolutely nothing about the girl other than the fact that she feels kinda scared. That's not enough for me to care about her. Give me more! And don't even get me started about the director and the crowd...are they even necessary?

As a writer (and more generally as a creative person) you have to justify your work's existence. You're putting something out into a world that is already brimming, OVERFLOWING with incredible work. What you put out has to have a sense of significance, a feeling that it matters, that somehow its enriching the world with its very existence. I don't get that feeling with this piece. Come tomorrow morning I probably will have forgotten all about it. Sorry for writing a novel, I just wanted to give you some useful criticism--in the end I just want to help.


about 5 years ago Alex Ceballos said:

Beautiful Start! Rate 10 :D