Feelings of Truth (first in process)

Feelings of Truth (first in process)

1 chapter / 753 words

Approximately 4 minutes to read

Description:

*UNDER-CONSTRUCTION*
Lily feels connected to her best friend but has fallen for another guy. Will this destroy their long lasted friendship or will she realize her true feelings? She goes through many ups and downs to discover the truth. Then there's a twist in fate.

Genres:

Writing, Romance, Novel

Comments(46)

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over 4 years ago Kelly Woodard said:

I like it so far and the style you wrote it in. Good job on writing so much and keeping with your story. Well written but i would recommend making it a little more smoother.

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almost 5 years ago Caroline Hart said:

I like the flow and characters. The first chapter bounces around a bit, but it's nicely written.

Me with curly hair

almost 5 years ago Lily Thomas said:

I am definitely liking this story, I am more into fantasy, but this is very good. I agree that is does need some editing though. I keep catching small mistakes. These two were ones that I noticed the most; before the fourth star line you need it to say "(I've been) trying to" and then in chapter 2 you have a part that is "What anything?" when you meant to say "Want anything?". I do love your story, but maybe you could have a couple people read over it to help edit it. I never see my mistakes so I like figment readers for that reason! :)

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almost 5 years ago Sophia S. said:

The very first sentence completely grabs the reader, and your flow and pace is impeccable afterwards! Great job, this is fantastic!

Reviews(5)

Maskman19 (l)

almost 5 years ago Tem D'Mindu said:

Needs editing. Either tab everything over, or don't. It's a little frustrating to read.

"Steve was 'supposed' to meet me..."?

"purple fuzzy lap"? How is it emphasizing the wall? "I have a smile in everyone" doesn't make much sense.

"You have liked this guy" - 'have' doesn't sound right as dialogue there. "quickly" isn't necessary there.

The tense jumps around in the flashbacks (and even in the present at times). There's some general grammar issues throughout.

The last part of chapter 1 needs to be edited. Actually, the rest of it needs to be (re?)edited, I'm guessing. My apologies - I couldn't finish past chapter 2.

It looks like you're throwing words down onto the page and putting the editing on the back burner. Nothing wrong with that - that's basically the NaNoWriMo credo. But it makes it a little hard to read and review.

Also, not much interesting happens. Ordinary kids having ordinary DRAMA. They have no human weaknesses yet - or any real strengths either - and that makes them as interchangeable and cardboard as a puzzle box. (Which leaves the story, and as much as it might appeal to some people, I'm not one of them.)

As this is a WIP, I don't think there's much I can write here to help. Good luck though.

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almost 5 years ago Makenna Styles said:

I liked this (the part that I read) I give it 4 stars