Truth like Teeth

Truth like Teeth

1 chapter / 1660 words

Approximately 8 minutes to read

Description:

A maybe fairytale.

Comments(18)

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almost 4 years ago Kaili said:

Immediately I was hooked. The imagery is amazing! I love your use of description! Honestly I don't stumble across writing I enjoy reading as much as this very often. It is exactly what I'd like to read in a book store. The only thing I'd change would be that it had more to read! I really enjoy your writing style!

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about 4 years ago WriterCNG said:

This is a really emotional fairytale like story. The witches and the imagery and everything just makes it such a good read. It's a little complicated at times, but I really loved this story.

Ned

about 4 years ago The Time Traveller said:

Outstanding.

Your use of fairytale motifs and motifs that should have been fairytale motifs is excellent, and your word pictures! Simply beautiful.

Well done!

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about 4 years ago Kristen Ahrens said:

This is so beautiful and haunting, I really don't feel that any words can accurately capture it. It's... one of the most amazing things I've ever read, on or off this site.

Thank you, from my heart, for sharing this piece with us.

Reviews(7)

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about 4 years ago Charming Quill said:

Be careful of repeating words too close together too often. Like grows.

I notice quite a few of your sentences start with He or The or simple words. Try mixing up the structure sometimes like you do in the beginning. Keep an eye out for run-on sentences though.

I’m not sure why you distance yourself from the scenes happening in the story. If you’re going for storytelling, like writing a fairytale, then it works. But I can’t say for certain that this is problem because I’m thinking this is what you’re going for.

I can’t help that all of this stuff you’re describing is flying by. Where’s the pace? Can’t you slow down and give more detail. Maybe try to insert the reader into one of the scenes? Just a thought.

Be careful because your verbs sometime go from past tense to present tense and you should be all in the same tense the whole piece.

It seems like a thousand things happen to this one girl. I’m kind of wondering why this is a short story at all. There’s so much passing by, it seems glanced over really quickly. Why not slow down and give each tale a chapter or something?

Great ending though. I liked the intimate scene that you took time to flesh out. But like I said before, this would work better if you didn’t do a drive by journey. Maybe expand it and try to give each piece of the fable the proper length. But your mythology and turning the fairytale upside down mentality is excellent. Again, like your last piece, needs polishing and some reading out loud. Any questions, comments, concerns or requests, please let me know on my wall.

Think

over 4 years ago Amaryliss White said:

I have been guilt-tripped into writing this review. Don’t feel guilty about asking me to, though, because it’s only fair.

You start with “In a forest where sadness grows like vines and animals whisper in the shadows . . .” I admit that I love that description, however, I feel like the two parts don’t really fit with each other. Sadness and animals have no similarities, and neither does growing and whispering. (Okay, please note that this, and everything that you will see below, are purely opinion, and if you don’t agree with me, that’s perfectly fine. This is your story, after all!)

In one part, you have the maiden selling her mother’s locket, but we have no idea how she feels about it. I’d assume she’d feel sadness, but who really knows?

You’ve magnificently captured the fairy tale style in this piece. Heaps of beautiful descriptions, magic, and unique characters. Even in the short time in which I got to know the maiden, I felt rather attached to her, and she was a good, clear character. I would like to know how she got into that forest and made it her home, though. But, as this is a fairy tale, perhaps it’s not a necessary detail.

One thing that sort of troubled me was the vastness of the maiden’s journey. True, it totally could have happened, but it’s a lot to write about in one story. Most of the maiden’s adventures are told in a few sentences, and a lot of them don’t have a ton of impact on the story. My advice would be to cut those out because so many different characters and events like that can become confusing to the reader.

This story has a lot of good morals which were sewn into the story excellently. I just loved the last part — love, love, love. Everything made me feel all magical-y. So brilliant job, I am terribly sorry I didn’t review before (that’s not sarcasm), sorry for the long review, too! (I tend to ramble too much), and keep up the good work.