The Springtime Sacrifice

The Springtime Sacrifice

1 chapter / 497 words

Approximately 2 minutes to read


Misty's job is quite simple. She just has to bring the gigantic and terrifying monster under the cemetery a human sacrifice to eat every spring. Quite simple indeed.

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almost 5 years ago Shadows of a Dream said:

Good concept, well thought out and explained, and rather well-written. Bringing sacrifices is evocative of the Greek myth of the Minotaur. However, it felt like some additional length would have helped the reader to connect more personally with Misty/Larry. Something as powerful as a first friend and a self-sacrifice needs more than a few sentences to hit as hard as its potential allows. Overall, great idea. And good job! Thanks for the comment/heart on IF I FALL. :)


almost 5 years ago Rose Shuker-Haines said:

I really like the concept here and you do a lot in a small amount of words. In the beginning, I really felt the dilemma she had, and you established so much world and atmosphere in a very short space-- good job!

However, I think the ending was a bit... well, rushed is appropriate. In a split-second she sacrifices herself to a huge monster thing without... without thinking really. That feels very unrealistic. You could give her maybe a bit of a delay, a bit of a dilemma before she throws herself to the beast. Obviously you have a word limit and all, but I bet you could move a few things around and give her more time to think about it.

Or you could just have him eat the guy. Obviously a much darker ending and probably not one you want to use, but I would be interested by her just letting some guy she knew personally die. Again, not sure how well it would work, but it would certainty be unexpected ;)