The Springtime Sacrifice

The Springtime Sacrifice

1 chapter / 497 words

Approximately 2 minutes to read


Misty's job is quite simple. She just has to bring the gigantic and terrifying monster under the cemetery a human sacrifice to eat every spring. Quite simple indeed.

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Maskman19 (l)

almost 5 years ago Tem D'Mindu said:

I can't say I'm fond of stories like this, where the character is unable to break the chain. (Depending on how supernatural the beast is, it's killable. The only question is how big the splatter mark's going to be.)

I think, in a real contest, this story would place, if not actually win. I also doubt it's appropriate for Seventeen Magazine (unless they've opened up a sci-fi/fantasy/paranormal wing I don't know about). You might try shopping it around.

It's complete, but I would still like to know more about the person doing the leading rather than the person being led.

And about the "cemetery's gate". When she stops there, are they already in the cemetery? So he went on ahead, didn't notice where he was, and she's waiting at the gate, or is the beast able to feed outside of it?

Also - the bowling alley? My understanding was that they're dying out, and while it is sort of a 'dork' place to work, I find it an unlikely place to find a useful sacrifice. Though, it does seem like the sort of place that would count a lunch hour as being 90 minutes long.

("Building his own lawnmower" - I had to chuckle a bit when I read that, because it makes me think of Ashley J. Williams.)

I'd drop the 'just then' in the last paragraph, since it's not strictly necessary.

Not sure if this helps, but good luck!

(Also. I prefer comments and reviews, not blind heart-spamming. I don't know why you write - and you really should expand your front page, by the way - but I couldn't care less about the heart contests myself. If you want me to read something you wrote, please let me know on my profile page instead of making me think, for a few brief seconds, that someone actually noticed/cared about what I wrote without having to trade for it first.)


almost 5 years ago Lois-Anna Voelkel said:

That was so Good!!! I would not change a thing! Thank you for like my story,and I will do the same!!!!