Armor Smith and the Cursed City

Armor Smith and the Cursed City

3 chapters / 1847 words

Approximately 9 minutes to read

Description:

~WIP~ ALL SWAPS TO THIS.This is my most beloved novel in progress and I want this to become my first completed novel.
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COVER: BY MY FRIEND WHO IS NOT ON FIGMENT

Armor Smith is a twelve year old orphan who is selected to attend City Boarding School from the Orphanage. After going there, he feels friendless and lonely. He makes an unusual friend- A dog. His worst enemy- another dog. What happens then?

Genres:

Adventure, Fantasy, Novel

Comments(6)

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over 4 years ago Halena Sparks said:

Wow, the beginning was really interesting :) I liked the character of Smith, he's very unique and adventurous and spirited. I can't wait to read more about him :) keep writing~

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over 4 years ago Morgan Lyons said:

Hmmm...I'm rather intrigued. :)) I hope you do well with this novel.

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over 4 years ago Erin Cushing said:

Very interesting kick-off! I saw one teensy grammatical error (which was most likely a typo), but other than that, this was solid. Keep it up!

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over 4 years ago Madeleine G. said:

This was REALLY worth a heart and I urge you to continue. I really liked your dialogue and how you used unexpected describing words like the rain "lashed". A great read-keep it up!

Reviews(1)

Whitetiger

over 4 years ago A.J. Cypher said:

PROLOUGE: I like that you start out in a moment of turmoil. It gets straight to the action. I noticed a few grammar/punctuation errors and some wording issues. I’ll try to point them out. - Unless the name of the tree is ‘Sacred Tree’ then ‘Sacred’ should be lowercased. If that is the name, then ‘tree’ should be capitalized. - In that first paragraph alone, you refer to characters as ‘the man’ or ‘the ___ man’ sooo many times. I suggest finding another way to refer to them, or rewriting it in a way that makes it so you don’t have to do it so often. Because you continue to do it throughout the story, and it’s not only confusing, but repetitive. - You use apostrophes ( ‘ ) instead of quotes ( “ ) for marking speech. I’d change that. I’m not sure why you’re doing it. Stylistic reasons, I guess? But it’s incorrect, it’s distracting, and it could also be confusing. - After speech, the next word should be capitalized, unless the following words are directly connected to the words. Here’s what I mean: o Capitalized: “The dog was walking.” He turned his back as he spoke. o Not capitalized: “The dog was walking,” he said. o Also capitalized: “The dog was walking?” He asked. And, “The dog was walking!” He shouted. - You’re missing a lot of commas. o “Is it true?” One asked, looking at the man on the stage. o “It is not I who can save you,” he said, “Nor is it me because of whom you are in this trouble.” (this line is rather awkward. Rephrase the second part?) o “You are the chief. You can do anything,” said the man still clutching the feet of the chief. o There are a lot more, so I suggest you put it through a word processor (like Word) and see if it points them out. - You forgot ‘the’ between ‘at the feet of’ and ‘old man’ - The line, “No, you have mistaken,” said the chief… is that supposed to be ‘are mistaken’? because otherwise I’m a little confused as to what he means. - I suggest reading this out loud to locate awkward spots. Some things need rewording. Good luck ☺