A Terrible Darkness

A Terrible Darkness

1 chapter / 161 words

Approximately less than a minute to read


Do not enter this Terrible Darkness. Stop, turn around! Don't yearn to look at this place anymore!


Horror, Mystery, Poetry



almost 5 years ago L.N.H. said:

I like no LOVE how you describe it, this is really good it should have about one hundred hartes. But you just earned yourself a follower! X)



almost 5 years ago Kiezer Henderson said:

I enjoyed the detail and description. I agree with that review that this definitely sounds like something that'd be better preformed than read. But! It's still very good; you did a wonderful job. =]


almost 5 years ago Erelraize said:

I love how unearthly this piece is. I like how it can kind of be interpreted in different ways, and makes the reader able to make it into something a little more personal, if you get what I mean? Anyway, it's awesome :)


almost 5 years ago angie aguilar said:

wow i loved this. it was great. SCARY! plsea read some of free fall. thanks for wanting to swap with me.


Maskman19 (l)

almost 5 years ago Tem D'Mindu said:

I'm not that great with poetry, but here goes.

I think this is something to perform, rather than read. Growling voice, rage-filled eyes, twitching, tears - the works.

"hope does come here" could be "hope comes here".

It feels like barely-restrained emotion running wild and grabbing at whatever archetypes it can to express itself, like a silhouette of a person, made out of household objects painted shadow-black.

Frankly, my gut response is that you were feeling grumpy when you wrote this. Nothing wrong with that, but it kinda drags the reader into that emotion. (If you have a ...calmer piece, I'd like to read that too. It's hard to get a good grasp of your writing ability with something of this length, and of this emotion.)

Because of the length of that sentence, "they" and "you" look odd italicized.

I can picture some things, but not some of the more abstract lines, though I've never been good with poetry.

I know how dashes are supposed to work, but when they're the same length as hyphens, I prefer to space them.

Looks okay, though. Can't really say much bad about it. More like beat poetry than something you'd print, I think.

Hope this helps. Good luck!


almost 5 years ago Ryan Shayne Russen said:

Hello there. I like to provide reviews with my swaps as I feel that honest feedback is vital for honing one's skills as a writer. Of course this means that I will have a suggestion or two but I promise I have no intention to flame the piece, merely identify areas that I feel have some potential for improvement. One little caveat: I primarily specialize in short fiction and while I do indulge in writing slam poetry every once and a while, I rarely read it. As such my opinion may not be quite so valid in regards to poems.

For starters, you do a great job of using very precise words to build up a strong atmosphere, which I think is very important in poetry in particular. There are also quite a few good images in here and playing with color as a theme is both interesting and well done here.

There are a few images that didn't work as well as the others or at least don't contribute as much to the message or the atmosphere. Some if it is wording and phrasing, the rest is just difficult images to fit in as they are quite esoteric.

All in all great work!