Undo

Undo

1 chapter / 246 words

Approximately 1 minute to read

Description:

This is my entry for the 19 Flash Contest. Alise decides risking her life is a way to right past wrongs as she saves her mother and brother from her ex-gang leader who is also her ex-boyfriend.

Comments(7)

17519_560612027291175_653430529_n

over 4 years ago Cait Cher said:

This gave me chills. The suspense was nicely done. I just have to say that you have to keep the paragraphs closer together.

P3

almost 5 years ago Jenny R. said:

Definitely off to a good start here. I think the use of a gang situation was new and original but I was curious as to how they ended up in this situation. You established that Alise was in a gang but how did the mother and brother get involved to the point where their lives were threatened? I think with a couple small clarification points this will read even stronger. Good work so far!

10492560_662472083828918_4504824084504032408_n

almost 5 years ago Marissa LaPorte said:

Wow this is a great story for being so short. I really liked it :)

988402_678837498808742_2068822018_n

almost 5 years ago Laura Kane said:

Woah, this is great! Really entrancing and dramatic, well done!

Reviews(1)

Meehhhhhh

almost 5 years ago Stephanie Nicole said:

This story was short and simple. You managed to tell a full, meaningful story in less than three minutes, which I find amazing. I really don't have anything to say about your story. It was so well written, and you conveyed the emotions really well.

Just a few comma issues and a few sections that had missing words is all. I'm sure if you re-read your story closely you would find them, and be able to fix them :)

Good job and I wish you well on the contest!

-Stephanie