Deep Breath

Deep Breath

3 chapters / 1940 words

Approximately 10 minutes to read

Description:

About a girl and she enters into this contest, and well read it!

Comments(15)

Nemo

almost 5 years ago T.Kristen said:

I really love how you've written this so far, and aside from the one or two grammar mistakes I caught, it's fantastic! Th plot is original, and though slightly face-paced, it's very well written. I can't wait to read more!

Photo on 2013-03-13 at 17.55

almost 6 years ago Abbi Gurdin said:

There are a few grammar errors, but this is a very interesting idea. I think it might be a little rushed, but fast-paced books can be good, too. I would really like to read the third chapter! Good job!

Splitrock2014 067

over 6 years ago Mikki Jayne said:

I typically don't like paranormal stories, but I love this! I like how it's a mystery unfolding. Pleeeaaasseee publish the next chapter, I want to find out what they are.

Pretty deer

over 6 years ago Eliza Jane said:

I love the cover by the way. I forgot to add that in my review...

Reviews(1)

Pretty deer

over 6 years ago Eliza Jane said:

I loved how you got into the scene and the story seemed to flow without a problem. I started reading about how she could hold her breath and change her temperature and started to think about how it was unrealistic and seemed like more of an exageration. You should cause her to hold her breath for a longer period of time, to hint that this isn't a realistic story. Ten minutes just seemed more of an exageration and a halfway point between realistic and fantasy/paranormal. I don't know if this makes sense to you, but it makes sense in my head for some reason. After the second chapter, I was hooked and I really liked the twist at the end. Keep going! I like the interesting and mysterious concept!