The Destroyer

The Destroyer

2 chapters / 1158 words

Approximately 6 minutes to read

Genres:

Action, Fantasy, Suspense

Comments(5)

Download (2)

almost 5 years ago Kate R said:

Awesome Story, Poor Jacob!!

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almost 5 years ago Adam Stryker said:

I really thought this was an awesome idea! My note is that you need to expand the chapters and give the reader time to actually be in the moment. In order for it to be suspenseful, it has to build a little bit.

Also make sure you break the paragraph when there is new dialogue. It is a little confusing to read if it's not there. I would add a bit more dialogue and walk us through it as it's happening, instead of telling it as though it just happened and trying to skim over the important parts.

Really great job though! There are some really cool parts in here!

Ry

almost 5 years ago Ryanne Kap said:

Interesting premise. I think it sped forward too quickly at times, but the suspense and action is definitely gripping.

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almost 5 years ago Morgan Lyons said:

I don't know why you thought I might not like it. This is exactly the kind of book I like! Great job!

Reviews(1)

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almost 5 years ago Matt Jacobus said:

You had me interested from the first sentence. I can't wait to find out what happens next. Will Jacob make it?

I'm not sure I like the word minions. I don't think kids think in those terms, although it is a word used in a lot of fantasy games. Also, if Jacob is still a kid, his language sounds very formal.