The Divine Chronicles: The Sacred City

The Divine Chronicles: The Sacred City

17 chapters / 4503 words

Approximately 23 minutes to read

Description:

[Written by Thomas Gabriel and Me! COVER GOES TO OLIVIA SERIO!]
Cosette Sinclair is not an ordinary girl, she's from a different world. She came to our world guarding the key to a dangerous secret. Roy Hauser finds her and tries to teach her the way of his world. But while they get close, the evil forces led by the Black Woman arrive on Earth to take away they key, led by someone from Cosette's past. Will Roy and Cosette be able to protect the secret of the Sacred City or will it fall into the hands of Evil.

Comments(17)

Photo on 9-23-15 at 4.16 pm

about 4 years ago L. R. Bauer said:

I just read the prologue and the first chapter. This story is off to a great start. The prologue did an excellent job of imparting information to the reader, but not so much as to be an info dump. The part with the Black Woman really drew me into the story. I just caught a few typos while I was reading.

Prologue:

1) "Several cloaked men where pointing there weapons at her." It should be "were pointing their weapons at her."

2) "Instead she turned around and jumped of the building." It should be "off the building."

Chapter One:

1) "He was walked over to the thing..." Take out "was."

2) "With out thinking he walked over to her and picked her up." It should be "Without thinking, he walked..."

3) "He was running making it worse on her." Put a comma after "running."

4) "That’s when her stomach growled she blushed embarrassed." I would change it to "That's when her stomach growled, and she blushed in embarrassment."

5) "Still a bit disorientated she picked up the spoon..." Put a comma after "disorientated."

6) "She failed horribly he took the spoon and grumbled." It should be "She failed horribly. He took the spoon and grumbled."

There were some others, so be sure to read over your work. Great job and good luck on your writing!

Photo on 6-22-13 at 4.07 pm

over 4 years ago ~Mina~ said:

Wow I love your idea!!!! It was straight into action, but not confusing. And you explained, but not so much that the reader got bored. The only thing I saw was in the first chapter: She clustered the key. did you mean clutched? Other than that, super job! ^ . *

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over 4 years ago Rae Kirsten said:

Do you know that mode, when you're reading, when suddenly it seems you stop reading words and are watching play in your mind? Well, THAT is how I read your story. It was amazing! Your writing style is wonderful! I loved it!!

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over 4 years ago Sydney B. said:

I read the prologue and it was really interesting! I'll probably come back and read the rest later :) There were a few minor errors, but it was well written and very climatic.

Reviews(1)

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about 4 years ago V.ROSE said:

Okay, so I have to say this was really good. I was not expecting to love this so much. I mean the way you wrote this, involving so many characters to find the key is just amazing. It shows the reader how important this key is to the sacred city. I loved seeing the actions all the characters were doing. It just made it more real. Thus, I begin with my review.

1. CHARACTERS

I loved meeting all these interesting characters. They all brought something good to this story.

Cosette Sinclair: I loved her character. I mean, when the Black women was chasing after her in the beginning to get the key. Cosette stayed true to her world and protected it.I mean when she jumped into the portal that transported her to another world. I was like, holy cow.

Roy Hauser: I really like Roy. I mean he was so kind to Cosette. Even though he seemed kind of freaked out that she was not dead cause she fell out of the sky. I mean, I would of been, like, what the hell. And when he saw the key that she didn't take her hand off. Then Cosette starts speak of her world to him, he just can't believe it. But he wants to help her.

The Black Woman: WHOA, she is like evil. I mean taking over Krishantar. Then making Cossette's brother turn evil. Grigori, now his name is Kiel Novak. And he wants to destroy his sister and get the key. Gosh, who is this Black Woman. Who is Alice Nirvana. She is a bit of mystery. Why does she want the key so badly?

Kiel Novak: Cosette's brother. He is the commander of The Black Woman's army. And he tells his right hand Sebastian to go and find his sister. Damn, I hope he learns his lesson. Because he is working with the bad guys.

Over all, I really like the characters. They feel so real, and I can really see where they all stand and who they really are. You do an exceling job on explain all your characters.

2.Description and Detail WOW! Oh my goodness, the imagery in this was just excellent. I mean when you started the prologue and began to talk about humanity and Krishantar and it's secret was just SPECTACULAR. I was deeply hooked in with that prologue. It really made your story much better and really exciting to read.

3. Dialogue

Well, you had no problem keeping this story intriguing. It was well done. The dialogue between all the characters felt just so real. It was all so believable when they would talk about the key. It did not one bit feel choppy or boring.

The conversations between Cosette and Roy , I really liked the scenes between them. It was absolutely amazing.

4. Plot and Setting

The overall plot of the story is just fantastic. I have never read anything like this. I love this world that you have created. Another thing I liked was how all the characters in the story are connected. You know, how people are from two different worlds. And Krishantar that was once a beautiful happy place has turned into darkness. And Alice wants the black key, but for what?

5. Vocabulary

No problem there. I mean each sentence flowed very well. You had it at an excellent pace to where the reader is not bored.

6. What I liked about this piece is that it is original. Not something I have read. I do not usually read things like this. Never really interested me. But, damn, you got me hooked. I mean with that cliffhanger at the ending I was like NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I NEED TO READ MORE. I Mean when Roy finds out that his grandpa Erik knows who the Black women is., I was completely shocked and then you just ended it when he wakes up and goes to lie in the bed with Cosette. I was like, no, it cannot end like this. Man, you have captured my attention. I want to read more. I mean, the key is to the gates of Engalas. It makes me wonder what that is.

Another thing I liked was how you focused on all the characters. It was not just about Roy and Cosette. I was involved all the other characters: Sebastian, Kiel, Alice, Fillmore, Cosette, Matthayus. That was really creative of you to do.

Finally, lovely job on creating just a phenomenal story that I really hope you decide to continue. I really want to know what is next. If you do, UPDATE ME!=)

V.ROSE'S REVIEW !!!!!