Breaking Chains

Breaking Chains

1 chapter / 604 words

Approximately 3 minutes to read

Description:

Rachel created this absolutely amazing cover for me! Thank you!!

Comments(134)

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about 1 year ago Alexandr Lukin said:

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about 1 year ago Super Snowbox said:

Very well-written. It is interesting and useful to read and not only me. ShowBox The largest library of movies and TV shows online.

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over 4 years ago Dreamerofbooks said:

This is so heart breakingly beautiful. You are a talented writer.

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over 4 years ago FallingForever said:

Wow.. The details and descriptions were incredible. This is devastating!! I am glad she decides to live!!(: HEART-TING THIS UP!!

Reviews(16)

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over 4 years ago Katelynn Rose Bolte said:

To be honest with you, Rebbecca, there isn't too much I can pick on except to say that you should really dwell on your voice....and perhaps to really get involved with your character.

What I mean by dwelling on your voice is to just well...practice using and adding different things while keeping your voice (shorten sentences, lengthen sentences, emphasize, add new scenes, etc.). Basically, just play around until you really understand the idea/concept of voice. I believe you already have a talent for voice, you just need to improve it. Do you understand what I mean? I hope I didn't confuse you.

And when I mean to get involved with her character I mean her emotions, which you did do very well, but you could develope a little more. Also, you could dwell on her thoughts a little more, too. I like that you added her thoughts. It made it more...dramatic(I'm using this word because I'm drawing a blank for the actual word I'm looking for). I think you should add more of her thoughts, only really concentrate in the reality of her thoughts. Do they sound natural to you? If you were in her situation would you be thinking those thoughts? Or would they differ from them? Ask yourself, what do thoughts really sound like when put into words? Thoughts are very tricky to capture. Infact, I know of only a few authors who have mastered at making them seem "natural".One author that I'm sure you have heard off is Christopher Paolini (Inheritance Cycle). I think he did very well on developing the character's thoughts and mind reading. He understands the concept of "thoughts" very well.

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over 4 years ago Jennifer Thornton said:

I liked the message, the ending, the hope! It's great. There are some simple punctuation errors, but if you go through and revise it you'll catch them :) I liked it, and other than that I can't think of anything else to critique! Good luck in your contest!