Boxed In

Boxed In

2 chapters / 703 words

Approximately 4 minutes to read

Description:

A girl with psychosis struggles to find relief from a world fraught with twisted visions and personal limitations.

Genres:

Drama, Suspense, Novel

Comments(6)

Mea

over 4 years ago Petra said:

Hey, its an interesting piece!Overall its really good the only thing might be that you could try less to describe everything word by word bt try to describe by feeling of the girl or by the atmosphere, im not sure its even possible to do it anyways:)..

Well, liked it a lot!

Aw, cute

over 4 years ago May Jones said:

Spooky, beautiful, and poignant. I can see everything perfectly in my mind, which is cool and kind of scary at the same time... a good scary. :) You explain everything simply but powerfully, and the descriptions are concise but full enough to help our mind's eye fill the gap, if that makes any sense. The story is awesome and the cover goes so well with it! :)(That is a really cool cover, by the way.) Great job!

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over 4 years ago Laurel Zyvoloski said:

This was such a creative story. It was beautifully written, and the metaphors and imagery carried your point across perfectly. Excellent job!

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almost 5 years ago Gabrielle Fiona Oswin said:

Very well written and beautifully described.

Reviews(3)

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over 4 years ago Dragons and Dragonflies said:

Hi! You asked me for a review two weeks ago and I'm really sorry I haven't gotten to you since. It's been pretty crazy lately.

This is the kind of writing that makes me wish there were more synonyms for "incredible" because not only are none of them strong enough, it looks stupid when I use them over and over again to describe the work. I love your use of imagery and metaphors, and the dark tone you weave through the piece. The writing is powerful, smooth, scary, and very real, and the second person definitely drives it home. Great job.

I could honestly find no major issues with this work, and very few minor ones.

In the first paragraph (not counting Line 1), you say "You did not come from anywhere." and then "You do not know where you came from...". This is technically a contradiction.

In the second paragraph, you use "road" too many times too close together. Replace it with "path" or a similar word a few times to improve the flow. Also, what makes the North Road the "choice road"? Some would consider it the worst since it is uphill.

In the fifth paragraph, you say "Each path is less sheltered than the next..." In the order you've introduced them, each path is less sheltered than the next. I think you mean "Each path is less sheltered than the last".

That's seriously it. You are an amazingly talented writer with a strong story to tell, and I wish you the best of luck continuing.

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over 4 years ago Paperback Butterfly said:

Hey Duckling, sorry for the wait. ;)

Nitpicking:

"covered in sporadic patches" reads a little awkwardly. Maybe rephrase it to "covered sporadically in patches"?

"paranoia prevents your choice" is also a little awkward.

Why is the desert barred from us? There's nothing physically stopping us from taking that path.

Plot: There dosen't really seem to be one, which is fine.

Pacing: I feel like you had a strong opening with some really intresting, lush imagery and metaphors. During the second half, you explained all those metaphors to us in plain English, and then brought them in again for the ending. I would have liked to see this written with less explaination. Let the metaphors speak for themselves.

POV: Liked that you used second person. It really have us an interesting perspective from which to live this story.

Final Thoughts: Solid read. I appreciate that you didn't fall back on metaphors or romanticise your topic. You treated it with a lot of respect, and I think your imagery was spot on. Keep writing, Duckling!

-Lark