Mercy's Fall

Mercy's Fall

3 chapters / 4565 words

Approximately 23 minutes to read

Description:

Completely new content! All critiques are welcome.

Genres:

Writing, Fantasy, Novel

Comments(21)

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almost 3 years ago MichelleWeber777 said:

I enjoyed this. Pierce is the bad ass you love to hate and love again. I can feel his attitude coming through. Can't wait to read more..

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over 3 years ago Avalon Nightwick said:

I absolutely love Pierce. He's kind of a bad ass and you can tell he's really a man-of-action sort of guy. Your descriptions were strong and quite vivid but sometimes I felt like it was a bit too much.

Shhh

over 3 years ago Broken_Angel1024 said:

I like it, it is a very good story and very descriptive. You can imagine what is going on when you are describing it. There is some kind of panic when you read about how a strange basket appears and how the priest is acting. You want to know what it is just the way you described it just because of how you had the priest acting. Over all it was a good story and I liked reading it.

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over 3 years ago Lorelle Shorten said:

This is good. I like the details you included as it really set the scene and made the character feel more real. It's quite mysterious and I'm not sure of the direction you're going to take this story which makes it more intriguing. So far, good job :)

Reviews(18)

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over 3 years ago E. L. Jenae said:

Your description is so amazing. I was immediately hooked by the way you described, well, everything. I read the previous reviews and can't say I saw anything else worth tweaking. Please keep writing!

For the swap, I would be forever grateful if you read the first two chapters of Roads Untraveled. It hasn't quite been through editing yet, so I'm not asking anyone to read more than that yet.

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over 3 years ago Mary Wilson said:

Wow I'd like to start by saying that this is a really unique and awesome idea! This is so unique and I loooove unique ideas.

At the beginning, I was really bored and I seriously considered stopping. But I read on, because from other stories of yours that I've read, I know you're a good writer. Some of the tenses were really bad. You switched between present tense and past tense constantly and some of your verbs weren't conjugated correctly. That really threw me off.

But the descriptions of his surroundings were really vivid and the emotions of the priest were felt very extremely by the reader. You did a great job with that! By the end I was completely wowed and I wanted to read more! So mysterious. Why does this priest "owe" this person. Is it his baby? SCANDAL! HAHA, but this was great. The only major problem was the past and present tense stuff. Once that's fixed, this will be amazing!