1 chapter / 484 words

Approximately 2 minutes to read


Word Limit: 500. P.S. This may be confusing as I have written a novel on this and this is a short squeal to it. :)
Forest, a Shifter-someone who changes from animals to humans, finds herself falling in love with her bonded human even though he's not supposed to know she exists. This takes place during a battle between the Shifters and the Night Creatures, those whom plan to invade the world and completely whip out humans. The Shifters guard the humans mainly because they have to, to live, without their bonded humans the Shifters die but Forest finds herself fighting for much more then her own life or even the fate of the worlds.



almost 5 years ago Ari Elizabeth said:

Well no they aren't werewolves because Shifters can be with any animal.


almost 5 years ago Anna Soong said:

I like how you didn't just plain call them "werewolves" but came up with a different name. Great job and good luck!


almost 5 years ago Liz Peterson said:

Very impressive. I really like the refreshing idea of shifters. I mean, I love fantasy and I thought your plot was very original. It kept me hooked all the way to the last period. Good job and good luck! :)


almost 5 years ago sydthekid said:

Another solid story. My suggestion would be to work on the dialogue a bit? It feels kind of formal and rigid (not to mention expository), and not how normal people talk. Great job though!



almost 5 years ago TKAM said:

I like this idea. I'm kind of confused though about what's going on. You jump right in and I think it would help to give some background information. Is this a prologue or the start of the story? You have a lot of spelling errors and I think it would be good for you to go back and read the story out loud so you can catch them. In addition to that, some of the sentence structure was hard to read so I might clean that up.

Overall, I like the concept, but I think that actual fleshing out needs a bit of work. Also, maybe work on showing more instead of telling. I have no idea where they are, what they look like besides Damen's hair and eyes.

A few suggestions:

-"this battle had been postponed for too (not to) long as it was"

-"This was what determined it all-who won, who lost:" This is not needed, there is always a winner and loser in a battle.

-"that’s how the bond works" (not work’s)

-piercing blue eyes (not eye’s)

-A lot of your dialogue seems sappy and wouldn't be used in real life. This is kind of weird, but sometimes it helps to actually say the dialogue out loud and then think to yourself, would I actually say this?

Good luck in the contest! I like your cover

p.s. I love the name Damen-reminds me of Vampire Diaries :)