The boy she will have to kill....

The boy she will have to kill....

1 chapter / 451 words

Approximately 2 minutes to read

Description:

Essie, is a newly named queen of her deceased father's
kingdom. There's a raging war between her kingdom and the boys she loves, people. Alejandro is a synth, and for centuries Essie's kingdom and his people have hated each other. But Essie now has now put her life and her people's lives at stake by falling in love with Alejandro. With the war going on,Essie will soon have to kill
Alejandro to save herself and her people.

Genres:

Writing, Fantasy, Romance

Comments(10)

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about 4 years ago True-Writer17 said:

Thanks Bestie and you need to get some writing on here so i can read your work! :)

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about 4 years ago Memphis Cayne said:

Hey girl. I love this one. This is possibly my favorite of all of your writings so far. I can't wait to read the finished product. Keep writing and loving what you do. Love ya, girl. :)

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over 4 years ago writerwhowrites said:

Wow! This is really good! I love your sense of imagery and style. You write beautifully! And I cant wait to read more... Could you please look at my stories too? :) There is one I mainly would like you to read it and heart it:). It is called Nobody Home (It is for the OrphanFlash contest...) Thanx... P.S you can check out other stories of mine too..:)

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over 4 years ago Cait Cher said:

I sense that it's good, but I recommend making more paragraphs for organization.

Reviews(2)

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over 4 years ago Sara NS Francis said:

This is very brief and very interesting. You have a little bit of repetition in the beginning, but smooths itself out towards the end. This seems odd that it is all one very long paragraph. It gives the literary impression of running and running and never stopping. I would have had no idea this girl was a queen if she had not stated it in her mind. You're writing style is good. You imprint the emotions of the first person narrator very well. There are no other details except the two lovers, and that keeps it focused solely on them. I don't know whether you did that intentionally or not. I hope you plan to continue this because most of the important questions remain unanswered, like what where and why.

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over 4 years ago Tatyana Tyson said:

First, must I ask whether you would like help editing this? Just putting it out there(because I find thins with many errors hard to read. Sorry)

Other than that, I really thought that this was a pretty good read. I could feel Essie's pain in knowing that one day she'll have to kill the one she loves. But I expected a bit more anger towards the kingdom she now has to protect. She felt nothing but factual about it-did she ever think of giving up her crown?

But the fact that she didn't shows something about her character, I suppose. She's loyal. Having her tell him to his face that she would indeed kill him when she had to was a huge, unexpected blow. Never saw that coming. Most heroines keep that little tidbit to themselves, so it was nice to have one who wasn't afraid to say it. She was honest with him. Really, i'd like to read this story from the beginning-it was really interesting to me. Let me know if you plan on posting more based on it(like I am from my short story).