1 chapter / 481 words

Approximately 2 minutes to read


Prompt: Write about a perfect kiss.


Photo on 6-22-13 at 4.07 pm

almost 5 years ago ~Mina~ said:

Aww! That was sooo adorable! I loved it so much! you are a talented writer keep it up!


almost 5 years ago Lex said:

I loved this, its so cute and romantic.


almost 5 years ago Fangseeker said:

gosh this was so cute it made me yearn for the experience



almost 5 years ago Lexie said:

Okay, the third sentence sounds awkward. I think it's an incomplete thought. You should try and get into the characters mind a bit more, and find out what was bothering her. If you keep that sentence, then put it after her stating that she is forever alone.

You also tell too much. The last paragraph was awesome, because you showed much more than you told. Maybe say "Ever since that boy back when I was five...." then have a flash back.

One last thing. It all happens far too suddenly. She gives in too quickly, and it just reads rushed. Slow it down a bit, make her more reluctant about the kiss, more excited when he flirts with her. Give her emotions!

Well, I hope I helped!