Cassiopeia's Blood

Cassiopeia's Blood

1 chapter / 420 words

Approximately 2 minutes to read

Description:

©2013 Jessica White; Little did he know that while he was setting out to kill her, she was setting out to save him.

This is kind of written poetry style fyi.

Comments(16)

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over 4 years ago Natalie said:

Very interesting to read! I love the sense of "forbidden love" as you describe the personalities and "destiny" each of these characters possesses.

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over 4 years ago Cat said:

Lovely. I really enjoyed that you had the shark narrating the story; it seemed to add an unearthly layer to the story. Good job!

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almost 5 years ago Juliet Hurwitz said:

I liked this, but it seemed choppy in the beginning: "I live in a habitat of water. I swim...I belong to it...I am a creature of fear..." It doesn't flow very well. The rest seemed fine, though :)

Good luck in the contest, may the best entry win! :)

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almost 5 years ago C. N. Roberts said:

While unique, your story structure is a bit choppy and therefore awkward to read. I loved this new idea, but had trouble enjoying the story because of the choppy sentences. I'm hearting it anyway, because I like the idea soooo much. :)

Reviews(3)

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almost 5 years ago SkyeFields said:

Original and well-executed. Your writing style is well-suited to this piece; it's otherworldly and ethereal, perfect for an underwater setting. Speaking of which, I might tinker with the word "habitat" in your first sentence. It sounds like something a land-based organism would say of your narrator, not something your narrator would say of himself. Why not just "I live in the water" or something equally simple?

And speaking of your narrator, I just can't take him seriously with a name like Blood. Does he need a name? Do sharks have names? It might be more believable if he were nameless. I guess that kind of screws up your title, though.

Anyway, I'm very happy this was the first thing I read this morning. Thanks for sharing!

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almost 5 years ago A. M. Wied said:

Your writing style is engaging and unique...I really enjoyed reading this. The broken lines give the piece a sense of immediacy that is exciting to read. I'm definitely curious to learn more about the characters and their backstories.

I didn't catch any glaring mistakes, so well done there.

I wish you good luck with the contest! :-)