Comments(18)

Me

about 3 years ago Lily K. said:

Woah...

Blackbirds

over 4 years ago Heidi L. said:

Wow, the suspense really built up on this one. This was a dark story, but I like the meaning behind it. The only thing I would consider changing is the ending. So the girl (I don't know how to explain it...the other half of her?) only goes away when she shatters the mirror? Isn't that symbolizing that, if you don't look at your reflection anymore, you'll feel beautiful and love yourself again?

Puppy

over 4 years ago Misty Snow said:

I enjoyed the intense emotion in the piece

0927132200[1]

over 4 years ago sasha shamblen said:

wow, amazing job. I kind of felt everything that the girl went to.

Reviews(9)

Image

over 4 years ago Alison Graham said:

Wow! This was so powerful and emotional and intense. I really loved it. It's so obvious that you have talent as a writer. Fantastic job. My one beef is the last line. "I smiled." I think it's almost too simple of an ending, too anti-climactic. Otherwise, an absolutely beautiful piece!

P.S. thanks for swapping with me too!

1

over 4 years ago sarah andreyevna said:

This is a really well written piece. You have a powerful voice and the dialogue is realistic and well done.

There are a few grammar mistakes however, for example "Tears streaming down my face wasn't unique to me." You should have used the plural form, "weren't", and I think "unique" isn't the best adjective to describe it. Maybe you could replace it with "uncommon", "new" or something else.

Overall, this is a good piece. The ending is really chilling. The last sentence, "I smiled", is especially powerful. I like how you used your dialogue to convey emotions, but you could have also added more descriptions. Show, not tell. Good work anyway! :)