Peter Pan Dust

Peter Pan Dust

1 chapter / 186 words

Approximately less than a minute to read

Description:

It's not like I believed you anyway.
Disjointed poetry.

Genres:

Romance, Poetry

Comments(31)

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about 4 years ago sora said:

i always loved peter pan but this peom is about something more, all about childhood memoirs, so sweet and wonderfully made :)

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over 5 years ago likeclockwork itrhymes said:

I WILL NEVER GROW UP! and the girl on your cover has some serious skills

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over 5 years ago Roberta H. Shapiro said:

Hmmmm

Me like :D

Good things: tone/mood, voice, description, the third to last line.

Not-So-Good things: -Watch the sentences. Some lines should be separate from those preceding them (look for 1 main noun/verb per sentence) -The stanzas are a bit disconnected. It's like you're describing something, but then you hiccup, then a new stanza starts. -Some parts/lines are unnecessary. exp: "a soft, luminescent green in the half light" (Also I love the use of "half light" because you made it up [XD], but it should have a hyphen). This line isn't necessary because it's not adding to the poem, but rather making an already good idea stretched out and overdone. -I love the ending, and understand the use of the last line, but the very last line not the rest of the ending) just came out of nowhere. Also, I'm a bit confused. Are you talking about missing your childhood? (just making sure)

Otherwise, nice job!

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over 5 years ago Dylan Mabe said:

Wow it's a very innocent idea taken into the adult world. Great job!

Reviews(4)

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over 5 years ago Annika said:

I love the pained, nostalgic voice of this - so much beautiful imagery makes the poem really come alive. I don't have any serious issues with anything here. I love your style and this poem really relates well to the reader.

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almost 6 years ago Ansley Nicole.* said:

*For Swap. I loved this! The description was amazing. I love disjointed poetry but this by far was the best I've seen on this site yet. I know people don't like when people sugarcoat them and just tell them how much they loved it but, that's all I have to say about it. I have no tips or ways to make this better because it is already as it should be. *Good Job. (: -Ansley.