Forever Infinite

Forever Infinite

2 chapters / 1115 words

Approximately 6 minutes to read

Description:

Open for advice, and what I mean by advice is GIVE ME ALL THE HELP YOU CAN GIVE. So yeah, I'm a growing writer, and would really appreciate it if you tore this to pieces :) Have fun!

UPDATE: Currently editing

Comments(3)

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over 4 years ago Theresa Rose said:

I liked this piece, except that beginning part didn't really fit to me. It didn't add anything to the story. If you take that out you can add more to the actual base of the story. I liked this piece, it was really good and you wrote it well. Just that beginning part was nagging at me.

Nice Job! Happy Writing! ~Theresa

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over 4 years ago Sally Balboa said:

I was confused by the story. Like someone else said the transition between the first and the second paragraph. Was all the italicized words from memory? Because I think there's a better more effective way to show that its the past. Maybe split it up into chapters.

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over 4 years ago ‚ô•Felicia K. said:

The beginning was a little confusing, especially the transition from the first paragraph to the second. I was confused by the different characters' names and it took me a while to understand who was who. But maybe that's just me. You have a beautiful way of writing, and I really enjoyed reading your descriptive imagery of the scenery. The switch at the end into the war was definitely unexpected, but you added that in very well. I loved how you took the story back to the beginning. Even though the end was very tense, you kept that calm tone, if that makes any sense. You did a very lovely job with this. :)

Reviews(4)

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over 4 years ago Raven Meder said:

It was very good, I especially love your power of description! The best, ironically, was the last description of Maxil. However, I was confused by who the characters were, and if they were telepathically communicating or not. Perhaps you should have situated the story in the first paragraph, that they were in the war in Vietnam...also I think some people would not know that 'Nam is Vietnam, or that VC's are, I think, Viet Congs, so unless it was deliberate, maybe it would still be better to expand those parts. A good read!

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over 4 years ago Neema said:

I could tear this to pieces, but instead I'll try to be critical about what stood out the most to me. I felt like your descriptions of the two characters in the very beginning had too many adjectives. Try eliminating a few of them or using verbs to create imagery instead. You can say her crystal-green eyes glimmered instead of just saying they were bright. The beginning of chapter two was rather confusing with the words in italics. I'm not sure what those were for. Parts of your writing feel a tad awkward and stilted. Many of those parts were pointed out by the person below me, so I'm not going to repeat them. I'd merely suggest reading your writing out loud sometimes to hear if it flows or if the words sound good together. I hope your editing goes smoothly :]