Fear no Evil

Fear no Evil

3 chapters / 4824 words

Approximately 24 minutes to read

Description:

Four years ago, Nevaria nearly destroyed the world when she accidentally freed hundreds of demons from the Underworld. Gifted with enormous power, and cursed with the task of hunting down every demon she set free, things only become more complicated when she is forced to take on a new partner, Kale. To make matters worse, an old enemy, more powerful than any demon she has ever faced, has returned. "And though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil."

Comments(9)

Avatar-thumb

almost 4 years ago Rachel Boland said:

I really liked this, especially your main character. I think it was very well written, and I only have one correction:

-"remove your hand..." Remove needs to be capitalized.

That's the only thing I could catch. I only read the first chapter, but I liked it so far. Great job!

Photo13

over 4 years ago EbonyBird said:

This was amazing! Would you be able to notify me when you update it? This is actually the first in-progress novel I want to follow. Your descriptions were absolutely beautiful and the action and chemistry between characters is addicting. I really love how you leave the readers with so many questions- it definitely makes us want more! Hope to see you continue this and amazingly well written.

Avatar-thumb

over 4 years ago Jack Tee said:

This is really good. It's really well written and you balanced the description, dialogue and action really well :) please update soon, i'd love to read more

Avatar-thumb

over 4 years ago Jack Tee said:

This is really good. It's really well written and you balanced the description, dialogue and action really well :) please update soon, i'd love to read more

Reviews(6)

Img_0880

almost 4 years ago Chloe S. said:

As you told me, I only read the WIP chapter of your story. I really loved reading it! I think there's some kinks in the beginning, but you work them out as you continue through the chapter. I thought your dialogue flowed well and captured the way people actually talk. I liked your main character as well. A strong female protagonist has become very archetypical in modern work, but I don't think that makes it cliche. Nevaria was presented as a strong female, who clearly has a lot of experience with weapons, and is very sassy. I really liked her. (: Just a few other things:

"Her eyes narrowed infinitesmilly..." You have a very strong vocabulary, but this word doesn't fit very well with the diction of the chapter.

"...baring muscular forearms." *bearing

As I think I mentioned before, your first two paragraphs have some kinks. They don't really flow together that well. I think you should go back and just try to rework them.

"...inviting him to leave..." I really love this sentence. It made me laugh a little, because "inviting" is usually used in welcoming kind of context. I think it adds a little character to your writing, which is good.

"After all, it wasn't the size of the dog in the fight." I get this sentence, and I like it, but I had to think about it to actually understand. Maybe say, "After all, it wasn't the size of the dog that won the fight" or something to clear that up.

"Look at me." This dialogue comes at the end of a paragraph of Nevaria wondering how quick she can pull her knife out from her boot. Make it a new paragraph, because at first I thought Nevaria was the one speaking.

Again, I just honestly love the sass between Nervaria and Xavier. Aside from the first two paragraphs, your writing was exceptional and flowed well. I felt like I was reading a published novel! I will most definitely come back to this and read the rest of the novel, as well as keep on the look out for updates. Overall, amazing job!

Efiyaga4vualrmdf3w1d_bigger

over 4 years ago Lillian Crowe said:

This is an awesome concept and you have written a good start. Your writing is pretty crisp and clean, though you have a couple of ambiguous sentences. For example, when it says, "No Demon would ever be more afraid of her than Ramien" (or something to that effect), I got confused for a second and thought that Ramien was more afraid of the protagonist than any other demon around. But in reality no demon would be more afraid of her than of Ramien.

Good job! I look forward to reading more.