The Tara List

The Tara List

6 chapters / 6890 words

Approximately 34 minutes to read

Description:

24-year-old Tara Sojourner is on her way to traveling around the world and the U.S. after her mother died and her suffocating hometown. As she does, she tries to complete her bucket list, but she receives so much more than that, too...

This is my NaNoWriMo Story for April 2013.
By the way, this is unedited. I'll probably go back over it after I finish the story.

Genres:

Writing, Adventure, Novel

Comments(7)

Polar_bear

about 4 years ago Sydney Stapleton said:

I really enjoyed this. You did a great job giving some background without it sounding like the main character was droning on and on. The first chapter ended very well; funny with a cliffhanger.

Think

about 4 years ago Amaryliss White said:

You write well, that's for sure, but the first chapter drags a bit. Do we need to know everything in it? Some of the details seem a bit on the information dump side, so you could possibly take this out and put them in later. Or cut them completely.

Nice job, and keep on writing!

Img_0197

about 4 years ago Molly McIlvar said:

I really liked this! Though her mother's death was sad, it gave her the opportunity to have a new start- and, I'm guessing, cross off a few more things on her bucket list. Your main character was really realistic and easy to relate to, and small details like clothing or the description of her friend built up a great picture. Well done!

Figmemeeent

about 4 years ago galaxy.(moved.look at aboutme) said:

INCREDIBLE STORY!

c:

Reviews(2)

Avatar-thumb

about 4 years ago Laura said:

This was a very nice story! I only had time to read the first chapter, but from what I have read so far, this piece was very relatable and it had great diction and syntax. I was able to feel for the main character and her family members because you evoked excellent emotion. Whatever she felt, I was able to feel and I felt sympathetic towards her.

I do have a couple of suggestions, however, to improve upon this even more. This is my opinion, of course, so feel free to leave it as if you're content with your piece. I agree with the previous commenter on how you should show and not tell. Although your writing was polished and I could relate towards the characters, it felt a bit unnecessary and rushed at times.

I also found a couple of grammar errors and spelling mistakes that were minor, but that can be easily fixed. Here they are:

1. ‘She was happy for me, like really happy for me.’ (I would suggest taking out the ‘like really happy for me’ because that phrase is unnecessary and redundant).

2. ‘Not like that provided much, but it was all I could because…’ (I would suggest re-writing the first phrase and change it from ‘Not like that provided much’ to something along the lines of ‘It didn't provide much’).

3. ‘There was faceless people where there should have been faces.’ (Change the word ‘was’ to ‘were’ in order to make agreement with the world ‘people’).

Other than these easily fixable mistakes, I thoroughly enjoyed this piece and I thought that it was nicely written. Keep on writing!

000_2813

about 4 years ago Garima Gupta said:

I only had time to read the first chapter, but I liked what you have so far. The emotions in this were great. I could totally relate with your MC, because my parents are extremely strict too. One thing I would suggest to show us more instead of telling us. I felt like the background story was a bit much. Other than that, well done!